At Carpe Diem, we are asked to write a haibun to the haiku written by Kala Ramesh., Taking Flight.  The narrative and haiku must not be more thatn 150 words.  Here is my narrative.

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Her mother told her she was her “baton de veillesse”. Every birthday, her mother repeated the story that she was conceived on a Sunday afternoon. “You were planned. You are special.”

She knew what her mother meant with those innuendos and guilt trips, “after all I did for you.” When she finished college, she had to return home to help her parents support her three younger siblings.

“Is this my calling?” she often asked the Great Spirit. She felt this responsibility getting heavier each year. Once the youngest sibling had fled the nest to marry, she too decided it was time.

One June night, she left in the wee hours of the morning never looking back.

Cher Maman & Papa,
Merci de me donner la vie; maintenant je vais la vivre.
Votre fille, bien aimée xx

 

taking flight –
a butterfly shrugs off
its shadow
© Kala Ramesh

(147 words)

Baton de viellesse is a French expression meaning that child has a duty to take care of her parents when they age. It was probably often used before pensions or social security existed.

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26 responses to “leaving the nest (haibun)”

  1. Bastet Avatar

    A moving haibun dear Cher!

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    1. Tournesol (Clr) Avatar

      Merci ma chère et merci pour ton e-mail:) x

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Bastet Avatar

        Ora tocca a me risponderti! Tante notizie. A presto.

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      2. Tournesol (Clr) Avatar

        🙂 A bientôt:)

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Yer Forest Pirate Avatar

    Ah, you went for authenticity and emotion – and cradted such a nice haibun to read, culturally, but also very thought-provoking. This is real writing. Went so well with the haiku, and using a ”letter” gave your haibun added depth and rhythm. So nicely done

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    1. Tournesol (Clr) Avatar

      Thanks so much. It is easier when I take bits of true mixed with different endings. It feels more genuine. Merci encore:)

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Yer Forest Pirate Avatar

        I think it is key to good writing – the authenticity, with creativirt. As a first step you went away from the garden and writing of butterflies and insects, thankfully, then constructed the tale, using the haiku exactly as it should be used..in my opinion of course. Your haibun really is thought-provoking of course, in many stages.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Tournesol (Clr) Avatar

        Thank you so much, Hamish:)

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  3. Mark M. Redfearn Avatar

    Everything a writer writes is true in some sense…

    To the Butterfly

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    1. Tournesol (Clr) Avatar

      Yep, start with what you know.

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  4. Chèvrefeuille Avatar

    Very nice story Cheryl Lynn … i can imagine this very well …

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Tournesol (Clr) Avatar

      Thank you, Kristjaan, have a nice restful spring weekend:) We are honoured with Hamish!

      Like

  5. Karuna Avatar

    Very well written and powerful story.

    I went to college in Seattle and my family lived in Florida. When I graduated, my mother informed me I was to come back home to live since I wasn’t married. I was shocked. There was no way was I going to do that! 🙂

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    1. Tournesol (Clr) Avatar

      Interesting what a different generation can do. My mom was not as strong willed. When she visited Me in Toronto she told me how she envied my courage to leave and start my life all over

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Karuna Avatar

        My mother did not approve of my behavior during college and I imagine she thought that if I came home she could straighten me out! (I did things like work at a service center for the homeless and wrote her and said, “Mom, I’m having such a good time. I’m meeting ex-cons, drug addicts, and drag queens!” I may or may not have realized how provocative that statement was at the time.)

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      2. Tournesol (Clr) Avatar

        Haha!! My mom would have freaked!! You were really brave at such a young age. I was such a wimp then. A very late bloomer:)

        Liked by 1 person

      3. Karuna Avatar

        I had waited for most of my childhood to be free, and free I was staying! I’m glad I was not interested in the kind of freedoms that lead to self destructive behaviors like drug addiction, which would have been easy enough in the 70’s. I was interested in making a difference.

        BTW take a look at the guest post Sreejit put up this morning. I believe it is one that you will like!

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      4. Tournesol (Clr) Avatar

        Yes, you were lucky…that was one fear for me to get out and so easily impressed…I stayed back.

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      5. Karuna Avatar

        Jean Clarke writes about four ways to leave home. Ejecting or being ejected, growing up and leaving, coming and going, or staying. How we leave home often creates the template for how we leave throughout our life. Mine was ejecting and being ejected…. hummm….. hadn’t thought of the fact it was both before. This topic would make a good post!

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      6. Tournesol (Clr) Avatar

        It would make an interesting post !!

        Liked by 1 person

      7. Karuna Avatar

        I will add it to my list of posts-to-do!

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      8. Tournesol (Clr) Avatar

        I look forward to reading it and reblogging it to Stigmahurtseveryone.

        Liked by 1 person

  6. Suzanne Avatar
    Suzanne

    Beautful. Your story is so heartfelt and honest it touches the heart of others. The haiku at the end is wonderful.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Tournesol (Clr) Avatar

      Thank you, Suzanne, glad you enjoyed it.

      Liked by 1 person

  7. readinpleasure Avatar

    Beautiful and moving.

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    1. Tournesol (Clr) Avatar

      Thank you, Celestine, for your kind words. I`m pleased it touched you.

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