Bye Bye 2013!

2013 was a busy year for me filled with surprises, many learning experiences and one huge discovery…my love for writing and I am getting better day by day!

I have written about my surprise and gratitude in receiving the Queen`s Diamond Jubilee Medal and to be able to get to Toronto to receive it with my colleagues made it all the more special and meaningful. I can`t find the words to say how grateful I am and to be among many wonderful amazing people who were also honoured that night. One woman whom I admire for her courage and her compassion is Pam. She has suffered such a tragic loss and yet with her compassion she found the determination and the courage to go to schools to give a powerful message…there is help…suicide is not the answer and Kids Help Phone is one safe place that youths can reach out to. Bless you, Pam, for doing what you do…you have no idea how much you have touched so many hearts. I feel privileged to have met you in person.

2013 was a difficult year in that more youths reached out with very very serious issues. I am not sure if that means youths are struggling more OR if it means that they are finally realizing that there is a youth line that may just be able to support them. If it is the latter, I say, good on you for the courage and trust you put in this help line. I feel privileged being a part of this support and honoured to listening to youths who are looking for guidance and a helping ear.

I am grateful for having 2 amazing adult children and a grandson in my life. I know may sound mushy and a bit old to them when I get all weepy thinking how much I love them, but hey, that`s the way it is when you love your kids, right?

This past year I was fortunate winning 2 tickets to see Oprah on her grand tour with her inspirational message. WoW! What an experience. I am pleased I was able to share this with my son and that he even accepted to go with me. I think 98% of the people there were women…so, yeah, he was pretty brave too…hehe.

After 4 years of searching for an organization to volunteer my services, I finally found a great place. Ami-Quebec which has run for 35 years is the ONLY anglophone agency in Quebec that offers support to families and friends, counselling and peer support with those suffering with mental health conditions. Over the years it has widened its outreach outside of Montreal by offering webinars and teleconferences so English-speaking people in areas far from Montreal can receive the same educational services. I feel privileged to be volunteering here and to have received some enriching training as well.

Friends are family to me. Life could not be as fulfilled or enriched without these special friends both in Quebec and in Ontario. They make me laugh and they hold me when I need to cry. I am so grateful having them in my life. Thank you for being in my life, merci d’en faire partie dans ma vie…vous ne pouvez savoir à quel point que votre appui me touche.

Speaking of Ontario…well, my cousin and his wife who is really like my sister and their son who is so precious and amazing and of course their parents…(my ma tante and uncle) my second mom and dad away from home give me so much and more. Their home is like my resort where I can unwind, get pampered and just “be”…yes, I would say I come back feeling Zen!

I am grateful having the health to be able to continue working fulltime in a career that is so fulfilling and gratifying.

I have to say that the WordPress community has also touched me in so many ways. It is a support, encouraging and enlightening. I have learned and continue to learn about many issues especially mental health with my blog Stigma Hurts Everyone and reading about experiences people are generous enough to share. Now why would I even think of going on Facebook when WordPress is feeding so many facets of my life? Oh, yeah, I know…to keep in touch with friends and to share my blog posts…yeah, that`s why.

Last but not least, my lovely feline friend who loves me unconditionally and if I don`t give her attention, she definitely lets me know!

I don`t quite believe in making New Year`s resolutions but I will TRY to walk more, would like to start Yoga again and perhaps swimming as well. Let`s see how well I do there. I do have a spiritual outlet however, which is writing more poetry and narratives. Some day I may even compile some to self-publish…or at least to give to my close friends and family.

Happy New Year and wishing everyone peace and health in 2014. Let`s get a bit more involved in the environment…that would be nice if we all did our part.

Blessings,

Cheryl-Lynn, January 2, 2014

Exploiting for ratings!

This man has a degree,
of a higher level decree
yet he’s slipped in the arms of fame
money may also have been his claim.

How does one get caught in such games
and losing integrity for a bit of cash
to show melodrama and T.V. trash
exploiting the pain and suffering
of people who are actually struggling?

They are all human interest shows
but must they always air their woes
in front of a huge live audience?
on occasion there’s no public appearance
just the camera and this host with a Ph.D.
Global home viewers don’t count as a presence?
I find his approach an atrocity
he makes a long process look way too easy
when we all know counselling is a long journey.

He may give the impression of informing
or a pretense of educating?
Well, I beg to differ.
why exploit those who suffer?
that’s what I see when pain is publicized
this exploitation is really insulting
and it should be criticized
rather than be glorified.

So that’s me diffusing, my heart spills
after watching a few minutes of Dr. Phil.

This is just my opinion on some exploiting the suffering of folks; On Christmas Day an old September episode of Dr. Phil interviewing a grieving mother was aired. He went through details of the last moments she spoke with her daughter as she took her life. 10 minutes of this was enough for me to change channel but I felt sad 1) for having this poor mother feel her guilt, as if it was not bad enough for her to process the grief she was living 2) for showing such an episode on Christmas Day when there are so many vulnerable and suffering on this day. So I decided to voice my frustrations on shows like this. Cheryl-Lynn

Comfort ‘n Joy?

As the holidays are approaching quickly, some people think changed behaviour of some friends and relatives…sometimes it is less to be desired. i.e. more fighting, arguing, behaving inappropriately including sexually.

Here are a few snippets of stories I have heard over the years talking with youths:

It may be the first Christmas without mom and dad together; When parents separate a child may have mixed feelings. He may remember the fighting when they were all together. He may feel torn with sad or angry feelings towards one parent or both. Change is never easy but it is more difficult for youths especially teens. Keep that in mind when making plans for the holidays.

A youth may feel guilty being more with one parent and not know how to reach out to the other parent. How can a parent help a child sort this out? It is totally okay to feel these emotions..confusion, guilt, anger…and hope. It’s just nice to have a shoulder to lean on when it gets messy in the mind and confusing.

Some youths are worried their family have enough money to get through the year. Many people are laid off end of December and contracts are sometimes renewed only in the spring. Some older youths (teens) feel they should quit school to help the family by getting a job.

Some families are transferred in other parts of the country or the world due to employment…parents have to move their families…sometimes children have to say goodbye to long-term friends. Getting through the holidays in a new place can be exciting and yet it can be overwhelming as well.

For some families and youths, this is a marked season without a special friend or family member…grieving this loss, and their absence is felt more so during certain holidays.

For many youths who have lost a loved one, regardless when that was…the holidays are often difficult because it is a time to share with loved ones and that person is not among them. And so, the holidays can be an “opportunity” rather to take time and think about this person and include her or him in your well wishes during the holidays.

Let’s be honest. It is a bittersweet time for adults too. Some of us have lost a parent or both. So keep in mind that it’s okay to talk about it. Normalizing grief and loss on important holidays is acknowledging that big elephant in the living room. Once that’s out in the open, it will actually give a sense of relief for everyone.

This is a time of year that many teens are invited to parties, exposed to alcohol and drugs; they need to know they can call for a ride without getting scolded…is this a possibility for many?

Some youths share they feel a bit left out because they know their friends are celebrating Christmas but it is not part of their culture or religion. They share that it is not only at school or with friends but it is everywhere they go…the television, the radio, the stores, the newspapers…all bombarded with this Christmas cheer that is a bit foreign to them.

It may be a good time to emphasize that the meaning of this word ‘Christmas’ and that for many it is an opportunity to connect with people and tell them how much they care about them; it can mean having people over for the holidays to share a good meal and that that sense of giving and sharing is perhaps more universal this time of year.

The holidays represent many diverse things for youths and families. There is the joy of getting together and yet the stress of having enough time off to enjoy this time with the children. There are cultural and religious differences that some face and are forced to be off work and exposed to the commercial aspect of this time of year. Let’s face it, even those who celebrate Christmas get fed up being bombarded by the commercialization too.

Ultimately, it is supposed to be a time of year to bring friends and families together; sometimes we need to be more creative in the gatherings and have more “pot lucks”. Children also feel the stress and depending on their age, are often confused as to who they are supposed to act.

Planning, decorating and cooking and baking…all of these traditions can be part of the fun too…how are you planning your holidays? Children feel special when they are given certain roles and tasks too. What have you planned for your children? Remember, if you are anxious and stressed about the holidays, chances are some of your children may be feeling some of this angst too. They are like sponges, soaking up emotions we had no idea they could relate to. Usually the younger youths do not understand what that emotion is, they just feel something…

Some families want to also teach values to their children and it is a time of year where families volunteer at a food bank for a day or a soup kitchen too!

Wishing you warmth, love and health … Happy Holidays!

WOMAN OF LIGHT (VISION & DISCOURSE DURING MEDITATION)

This is very inspirational…I must read and reread this and share among my friends. I was taken at the beginning at , “Strength is compassion for all beings be they conscious or not. Life is an ocean, under the surface the waters are very calm but on the surface there are many violent waves. Mankind is that ocean, some who are in oneness become calm as the waters underneath and some are divided and uncontrolled as the waves above. Strength is to be gentle with all beings as I am being with these flowers.”

I Am Whatever I Choose To Become

Yesterday I was deep in one of the ARUPAJHANA meditations(Formless meditations) and I had this vision. It was so powerful I am sharing it with you all. This not to change anyone’s mind or beliefs it is only to share. Enjoy.

I ended up in a field and in the distance there was a luminous woman picking brilliantly colored flowers. I approached her in my formlessness and she began to speak as though she knew me. She asked me “What is strength?” I said “Is not strength undying compassion for every conscious being?” She paused her flower picking and said “Strength is compassion for all beings be they conscious or not. Life is an ocean, under the surface the waters are very calm but on the surface there are many violent waves. Mankind is that ocean, some who are in oneness become calm as the waters underneath and some are…

View original post 1,120 more words

It spoke to me

(Haiku – Huitain)

(Haiku)

A lovely post spoke
to me; started to self-reflect
such a humbling feat.

I read a poem this morning and it made me think. I love when that happens. You know, when you read something and it speaks to you? A Thousand Mirrors did that to me. Maybe it’s because I work in counselling but I think it triggered something more personal. Last night I was attending my 8th workshop on Borderline Personal Disorder. It’s for family and friends of someone who has this condition. It is not to just know more about what a person with BPD is going through; it is to understand what a caregiver or loved one can do to help and also take care of themselves.

So I was no longer in the counsellor’s seat learning how to better assist someone with BPD but rather I was in the “mirror” looking straight inside of ME. I am forced to see how I react to certain behaviours and how I may, sometimes, unintentionally perhaps, have added fuel to the fire. It has been too many years that our relationship has almost severed but I still love this person very much…I just don’t like how this person treats me. But, by looking inside that mirror, I was seeing things I don’t like too much about me too. Oh boy that’s a humbling experience!

The dynamics with a significant other with BPD can get explosive but it can also implode. I am learning so much that my brain hurts and my heart aches. So much is simmering inside of me but how long it will simmer? I don’t know.

Since working in my field, I have come to have more understanding and compassion for my relative. I’ve told family members to be more understanding and tolerant. But me? I have withdrawn…run a way in many cases when I felt attacked giving over so much power to this person that I love because I’m a chicken in the face of conflict.

Last night I learned that I give all this power to control and “hurt” is not really what a person with ANY condition wants. And not be chicken, I may, in time find the courage to try to communicate with my relative. I know it won’t change overnight. I know my relative has no clue that I have love and compassion…there are so many misperceptions, so many judgements. {sigh}

And when I think of times I have suffered tough times…depression, loss and insecurities, I was also often misunderstood. People assumed I was just fine because I usually am the giver, the person taking care of others. I look assertive and self-assured, they know not how broken and shaken I can be inside. And this lovely poem I read this morning made me think of all of this. So I have attempted to write a new form (huitain) in poetry I’ve just learned to summarize my thoughts on this.

(Huitain)

How easy it is to assume
not try to ask, investigate
we judge, expect, predict, presume
not bothering at any rate;
empathy, heart would educate
we’d show a little compassion,
we know not what can irritate.
Listen! they may share a portion.

Inspired by: A Thousand Mirrors

Words hurt!

National Bullying Week passed 3 weeks ago but the issues are still alive unfortunately. Every day is a time to create more awareness of what goes on month after month, year after year especially with children, youths and young adults in school, high school, college and university. We know it goes on at work as well. If it is not addressed in schools, why wouldn’t it continue at work? Right?

Sexting, cyberbullying, bullying and making a youth`s life a living hell is NOT what being a youth is all about. Students, parents, school staff, bus drivers, cafeteria employees, janitors, daycare workers, school principal, school counsellors, school nurses…we are ALL in this together. It is systemic and each person is part of that fabulous puzzle.

I know I wrote about this on my blog Stop the Stigma, but it merits to be repeated; sorry to those who read, heard it and are doing something about this…just click on to another fabulous post on WordPress {smiles}.

– Please, do not forward any email or social network posts, that can hurt another person, even if you think it’s funny at the time. Just ask yourself, “How would I feel if this was shared?” BEFORE clicking share.

– Always pause and think before you post and click “enter”.

– Adjust your settings so you have to actually point your mouse on “reply” rather than just “enter”. That can save YOU and another person lots of grief. This is good advice to adults too by the way. How many times have you accidentally hit the enter button by accident? I have clicked it by mistake and half my message went through before I was actually finished. So lesson learned, right?

– Always report cyberbullying to network administrators.

– If you see any sexting (photos of a sexual nature etc.) forward to http://www.cybertips.ca to prevent the spread of child pornography. Did you know that even if the person is a teenager, spreading any photos of a sexual nature is STILL considered Child Pornography. Do you want your teen to be involved with this? I didn’t think so {smiles}

– If you are a Bystander / Witness to cyber-bullying, take a stand.

– If you click “like” or “share” you are actually part of the problem and only perpetuating the bullying. So think TWICE before clicking.

– Even adults can report. I reported a few times to Facebook for “hate comments” , “racist” and pages that use the “R” word on public pages as a joke. If you see something that is offensive, try not just ignore it…report it.

– Parents, kindly sit down with your children/teens and show them how to remain safe from predators but also how to be respectful and learn on-line courtesy. Granted your teens will probably NOT want to have this little causerie (discourse). Check the links below and have them check it out. Better still ask them to come up with at least 2 or 3 sites that offer advice on internet safety. What Teens Need to Know by PrevNet (the Guru of bullying training, they trained counsellors at Kids Help Phone, work with the Red Cross and Scouts Canada)…have a great page on this.

Here is my humble attempt of saying this in rhymes.

Don’t click share
If you care,
Think before you click
on ANY of those pics
Clicking LIKE is very serious
Clicking SHARE spreads like a virus.
Sometimes silence,
translates compliance
If it’s cruel don’t add to the pain
by clicking SHARE again and again.

© Cheryl-Lynn, November 15, 2013

Important links:

Kids Help Phone

Prevnet

Cybertips

Inventory completed

November and December are often inventory months for many businesses. Retail stores are usually end of December and probably why Boxing Day is useful for any commerce. For many December 31st is also a time to take stalk of the past year and what you have done or not done.

This week was my Spring Cleaning or Inventory of posts on Stigma Hurts Everyone and transferring some back to Cher Shares. I had pondered for months on placing all my posts under Stigma but somehow it just felt…I don’t know…not right (guess I have to keep practicing writing since I seem to have difficulty find the right word to express myself sometimes.)

So for readers who have followed me on both blogs, I apologize for the repetition of posts you have read before and being notified that there was a “new post”…sorry for the inconvenience. And for followers of Cher Shares, well, I’m happy to have put my writing up to date.

It would have been much quicker if my computer were not so slow. I tell ya since my laptop came back from summer camp…I mean, servicing…it took them one month, by the way, and not one week. They changed the hard drive so you would think with an almost brand new computer, it would function better. No sireeee, it is slow, slow, slow. Maybe it is on it’s last legs. Maybe the hard drive replacement is like when we get older and have a knee or hip replaclement…it does finally have an expiration date. (sigh) So just in case, I have equipped myself with a Surface 2 Tablet …my second child…{goofy smile}

Cheryl-Lynn

3 years of Blogging already!!

I had not realized I started with WordPress 3 years already! I first started with Alecoute-Ntouch then graduated to Stop The Stigma then Cher Shares

Ultimately I started with Ntouch to market my workshops and then I wanted to share my thoughts with chershares. And finally it was really last year that I seriously put more effort in blogging on Stop the Stigma.

How fortunate it is to have a great community like WordPress. We have technical support for free, a community of creative writers and bloggers but mostly, I have noticed a wealth of caring and devoted people here. So to get this nice WP wish in my notifications tonight was truly a warm fuzzy blanket I could wrap myself in. Thanks WordPress!

You registered on WordPress.com 3 years ago!

Thanks for flying with us. Keep up the good blogging!

My life changed

I was a teenager when my sister gave birth to my nephew, my godchild. I never thought my life would be quite the same after his birth. Mom and I were so excited and silly happy (if that is a correct expression). We had always been “girls” at home. We knew nothing about boys. Well, the basic plumbing, I guess but nothing about little baby boys. I had boy cousins. Mostly they were older than me and a few younger but we were too young to pay much attention to how a little baby boy was, how a little boy interacted with the world. They were just cousins, sheesh!

I remember the first time Mom was changing his diaper and I was right next to her…like I said, keep in mind, we did not know much about little baby boys. Well, the air must have triggered his urge to…peeee and squirt right in Mom’s eye…she just laughed…I tell ya, we were just so silly! I loved that kid so darn much and when I became pregnant years later, I was a bit apprehensive. I wondered if it was possible to love a child as much or more than I loved my godchild.

That is when I had this earth shattering discovery…it was possible! My son was born after many years of trying to start a family. We had been trying to conceive a few years after our marriage and when the miracle finally happened, I gave birth to a beautiful, picture perfect, “Gerber look- a- like” baby boy on November 7th.

I remember bringing him home that first day from the hospital, laying him in the middle of our double bed; I undressed him and just stared at him thinking to myself, “Such a little human being depending on us for everything …absolutely everything!” I was scared, overwhelmed and high on adrenalin for having our baby…finally! I planned to be the best I could be and give him the best he deserved. Oh, boy, what a tall order but it was my hope and intention. His father felt the same.

Breastfeeding was no picnic the first few months…but I was determined to give him the best nutrition humanly possible {that human would be me alright…ouch, ouch, ouch!} but that did pass eventually. I wanted to nurse him for 4 months and return to work as we only had 4 months in those days. But he was not quite ready to eat and everything was going so well…that I prolonged it to 8 months and the nursing 18 months! Hey, when things go well, why stop?

The first few months when he would wake up for a feeding, I remember shuffling over to his crib in his bedroom next to ours, thinking to myself, “Boy oh boy, I had been trying for years to have this baby …good thing I reeeeeally planned for this.” It IS tough those first few months. How to read each different cry, moan, whine. Getting used to nursing is not so easy when you have fair skin that can burn easily… But after 2 months it went uphill all the way. That too did pass.

Our neighbours had two 2 adolescent girls who became babysitters later…they stopped by often after school just to see him…not me much, I don’t think, I don’t think I was that cute!

My life changed completely. I used to have ambitions and goals. As a couple we had dreams too and this first house was a home but also a “wise investment”…maybe later we would get a bigger house. But having this child changed my goals as well as my interests. Material things like a bigger house or bigger car seemed so trivial to me now.

Having a child walk through a field of wild flowers and stop every two seconds to smell them made me see the world differently. Watching him stare at an ant hill as if it was a 3-D movie for 30 to 40 minutes at a time, made me stop too and start looking through his eyes. I was given a second chance to see the world differently.

Fast forward to the teen years and he started playing guitar. Going to sleep at night whilst he practised on his classical guitar with Beethoven as my lullaby. Being exposed to his CD’s of Hendrix and Zeppelin gave me a second chance to savour these classics. Growing up I was into Motown, Beatles and Rolling Stones…that was pretty much my interests…

Having children allows parents to rediscover the world. It allowed me to play again…playing in the sand and making mud pies is fun!
I have to say that my fear of not knowing if I had enough love in me for another child was quickly dispersed…no problem there…the love is rooted inside the core of a human being…and if your child hurts, you hurt, if they are happy, you are happy, when they are giggling with joy, you can’t help but laugh along with them.

Someone once told me that a mother’s love is like a flame on a candle, you can light many many candles from that same flame and the flame will be the same…burning just as much and glowing just as beautifully…so I knew I had as much for our daughter who followed almost 3 years later.

This is a contribution to a FreeWriteFridays writing prompt on Life Changers.

Split seconds of lucidity makes my heart skip with joy

I need to visit Mom today. I need to feel or remember that enormous love and bond we have…had. I never question being loved when I am with Mom…EVER! Her spirit, her soul, her heart is somewhere in her body…her mind has been invaded as well, poor mom no longer has to battle Worry and Insomnia…finally she is at peace but her demon has robbed me of her enchanting presence…how I miss her quirky remarks, her contagious laugh and her soothing arms around me.

I will visit her today…I need to drift off into my imagination…just hold her hand…she still kisses my hand and my face if I approach her close enough and whisper, “Hi Mum”…she sometimes holds her breath for a split second and she kisses me and holds my hand tightly…then I know for a split second she escaped the clutches of her own demon…Dementia…and my heart skips with joy!

Photo credits: Cheryl-Lynn Roberts

Share this:

Share this:

Share this:

Share this:

Share this:

Share this:

Share this:

Share this:

Share this:

Share this: