Resolution (troibun). SoCS

I am not much for resolutions since it makes me feel locked in a wish to change a behaviour and when you feel forced, well, it’s like stubborn toddler in me resurfaces and I want to stomp my feet and say NO!!! I don’t want to, so there! And since I’m an adult, NO ONE can send me to my room, right?

However, as I age I feel my solitude, time to think and meditate and talk to myself for hours, days, weeks…I find myself rereading old wise words from yellowed pages of my books. Buddhist thought making more and more sense that I find myself wanting to try. I read over a list of 7 ways to overcome difficult times and posted it in on last journal of 2017 and it got me thinking.

I have had time to think a lot lately. Since December 22nd, I have worked one day and Christmas I went out for our family dinner…That is about what sums up my time off work. I had planned a trip and booked a train to see family for New Year’s in Toronto but my health was so so and did not feel it was right to visit people nursing a cold that would probably get much worse if I did not just rest in my own bed under very warm duvet cover in this crazy cold weather we are having in Quebec at -25 C most days. So I have had a lot of time to think. I have not been writing as much lately either. I seem to think too much and my thoughts get stuck in a dark whirlwind of negativity that it depresses me. My muse is not strong enough to weather that, so I escape by binging on Netflix. I try to read but it takes so much energy to concentrate on any book even if it is great!! This week, thankfully, I started reading The House Without Windows by Nadia Hashimi and finally, I am captivated. It has been months that I have been captivated like that and it feels so good. Granted the book is not a happy story but it is real, intense and about women and in this particular story it takes place in Afghanistan. I fell in l love with stories of Afghanistan and what it was like before wars and takeovers with a novel, A Thousand Splendid Suns by Khaled Hosseini. I read his Kite Runner after but that first novel just made want to know more.

I wrote my first poem (troiku) of the year today as well. And writing this feels hopeful that perhaps the storm in my mind is dying down or simmering at least and not taking over of my every thought which influences my actions. I feel hopeful.

Now, the resolution I had been thinking of for the past three days is to take each day as if it is the first day of the new year. You know how some people like to take the first day of the year as happy and positive? Well, I want to be mindful of today…each moment and tomorrow is not here but I hope to wake up and just feel that moment when I open my eyes, I stretch and get up. That moment I pet my cat and give her her food. I want to be more mindful each new day this year. Just like the moments I walk to work and chanting my mantra, noticing the tree branches move slightly and I imagine they are praying too! I want to be mindful like those moments as many minutes in the day and hold my love and compassion in my heart and with each movement. Happy New Year everyone!

For the first time
Looking out the frozen window
A new year

For the first time
Seeing sunlight
My eyes still shut

Looking out the frozen window
Cold snap goes on and on
Since last year

A new year
Looks like yesterday
Different attitude

©️Tournesol’2018/01/01

Written for Linda’s Friday Reminder of Stream of Consciousness Saturday.

those empty rooms (haibun)

Today I sit thinking of my cousin who is like my kid brother. He lost his lifelong partner last Wednesday. I’m a phone call away and an hour and a half drive away but still… For now there will be children and grandchildren visiting; aunts, uncles and cousins too and friends bringing him comfort as well as a casserole or two. The busyness goes on like a whirlwind for those who grieve and then after the services it slowly stops. Let the grief truly begin. There is no right way or wrong way to mourn, nor is there an expiry date…no indeed, it stays fresh, raw and painful for the time it does…and I know he aches today and will tomorrow. His children and grandchildren will miss their mother and grandmaman who lived life with such passion. She laughed with such enthusiasm and loved with all her heart.

(American Sentence)

Walking through each empty room, he looks longingly theough his liquid blues.

©Tournesol’17/12/08

Daily Moments December 8, 2017

The Friday Reminder for Saturday and Prompt SoCS “liqu”

Sweet Travels – Daily Moments Aug 27 / 17

Whenever she feels mystical shifts in her mind’s eye she simply allows images to tell their own story.Dusting off old narratives, a surge of waves of old and new dance together playing “catch-me-if-can” until they marry and lock onto a fresh canvas waiting for the artist’s inspiration…

thoughts linger
draped in cobwebs
quieting the mind

thoughts linger
weightless joy
makes her smile

draped in cobwebs
secrets of the night
lie in wait

quieting the mind
rhythmic waves
reaching nirvana

Aw the mind!
offers such sweet passages
to explore

©Tournesol’17/08/27

Daily moments – August 27th 2017 sweet travels (troibun) – and at Linda G Hill’s Stream of Conciousness Saturday (SoCS) and the prompt is “when”

Daily Moments – May 13, 2017 – Mother’s Day (haibun)

(c)Clr17

Oli-G Nov 7/78

Colombe – Bette – Mom- Nanny June 26. 1926 – Dec 2, 2014

(c)Clr’14

Flowers are lovely gifts and some are fragrant and sweet. Treated to a brunch or dinner is nice too. If the weather stays mild, BBQ’s are the rage for many families as well. But deep down all I need to really hear is, “I love you, Mom.” This is a set of words in any language, that goes straight to the heart.

So, you know those commercials that tug at your heartstrings…and the hallmark cards that seem to say it better than you…don’t worry…they don’t say it better! Just those four little words are more than you know and poetry to the ears of any mother…trust me.

This is a weekend, ever since I can remember, I would use the English language and try to share my thoughts and feelings that filled my heart. This was a time I may have rhymed a line or two but mostly, I’d tell her how much she is important to me.

Time to visit her new home and set some flowers and say a few words. Tell her how much she is missed and in my thoughts every single day.

I am thankful for the love she swaddled me in as an infant. I am grateful she looked at me and saw only beauty and success. How could I not succeed in life with such confidence in me, she mirrored each and every day?!

I’m so happy she was there every step of the way even when I had my babies. She taught me how to bathe them and gave me permission to be a tigress and hold them as long as they needed me and showed me that was true mothering and loving, not spoiling at all.

I’m glad my children were blessed with the greatest Nanny on earth, who made them laugh and kissed their bobos too.

I still remember one Mother’s Day morning being served a sweet breakfast of (uncooked) chocolate pudding and I’ve never managed to make anything quite as delicious.

So maybe this weekend I will look at old movies and play old tunes that she loved so much…definitely, sounds like a plan for the weekend.

missing you
today and tomorrow
‘til we meet again
sliding down a rainbow – or,
swinging on a brilliant star

Until then, keep visiting me as a blue butterfly; keep making signals on my mobile phone, tickle me in my ear or visit me in my dreams.

©Tournesol’17/05/12

Daily Moments – May 13, 2017 – Mother’s Day (haibun)

Written for Mother’s Day AND LindaGHill’s Friday reminder and prompt for SoCS May 13, 2017: Language

Happy Mother’s Day, Linda!

Daily moments – tower of Babel – haiku – Feb 26 2017

How would the world be different if we all spoke the same language? Would we listen to each other? Is language really an issue? Or is the apathy of too many people in the Western world that is perpetuated by the illusion of being too far removed geographically? We don’t even understand each other on this side of the globe? Heck, in North America we are strangers to each other if we have not traveled a little and even travelling only gives you a hint of what is going on in different states or provinces in North America.

Visiting Toronto, New York City or San Francisco for instance, is not the same as living there. People give their perception on life in these mega cities. Some even argue with me about what life is like in Toronto. [I am chuckling at that because I lived there for thirteen years. Heck! What do I know, right?] That said, even while living in Ontario, I was surprised to hear what people “thought” they knew about Québec.

I wonder what children are learning in history classes across the country. My manager told me the other day that a friend of his in Nova Scotia said, John Cabot discovered Canada…really? Um, I thought he discovered Newfoundland and Samuel Champlain discovered Québec. I always learned in history that Canada was discovered by Jacques Cartier, and he gave it the Huron-Iroquois name, “kanata” which means settlement.

I think this blogger explains misinformation so much better than me:

“Politics is bigger than us all, we can do nothing about it, it is a filthy game of interests and calculations. But life is ours, stories are ours, it is within our reach to empower others, it is within our reach to inform others about a reality of a whole country torn by war but still doing the impossible to celebrate life. It is within our reach to bridge the gaps between each other and get over political, social, religious and ethnic differences just for the sake of the one and only, for the sake of Syria.

People form their opinions and absorbs stereotypes based on what they receive on media; we have no right to complain about how that media works unless we offer an alternative.” Source: http://jamilaeyes.com/

So I suppose I have answered my question about language not being the real issue. The news reported by mainstream media in US and Canada is too often questionable. [I am only mentioning North American because this is where I live.] Yet, in this age of technology, there is no reason not to be curious enough and see what is being said in other parts of the world by people who are living and breathing their own realities and not just take for granted that we, foreigners, reporting in other countries may not have all the information. Sometimes we just don’t ask the right questions or is it that we choose which questions to ask to get answers we want to believe?”

nature’s jest
clear waters always flow
in babbling brooks

©Tournesol’17/02/26

Even after reading a few articles on the same subject to see if I can sift through what is truth and what is not, I still know little. But, I refuse to believe mainstream media at face value anymore…just tired of it. Thankfully, blogging has gotten me closer to the other side of the globe and we also share the love of poetry and storytelling.

How I choose to learn more now is by listening to people telling their stories in their own words.

Daily moments – tower of Babel – haiku – Feb 26 2017

This was written for Linda G. Hill on her Friday reminder for SoCS.

semantics (haibun)

Late at night after she has arrived home and settled on her comfy couch, her bff (best feline friend) snuggles on the back of the couch near her neck. Such a lovely way to end her day. She wonders why on earth the English language chose “purring” to emulate the sound. Yes, definitely, she thinks to herself, the French word has coined the perfect match.

savourant le calme
bercée par son ronronnement
paupières s’alourdir

basking in stillness
lulled by her purring
eyelids weigh

©Tournesol’16

The Friday Reminder and Prompt for #SoCS Oct. 8/16

Daily Moments October 13 2016 Semantics Haibun

three-seasoned flora (haibun)

If teeter-totter were named something else, I wonder what that might be. It certainly does not seem to reflect the extreme highs and lows my tummy experiences when a partner decides to let go suddenly! I’m not sure what other name would suit it best.

It is that time of year where children of all ages are filling parks early evenings or after dinner. You hear a whine now and then pleading to stay a few minutes longer but it’s a school night and parents have things to do once the children are tucked in. That’s for sure!

I love spring and noticing each day a new birth, buds on tree branches, leaves starting to grow and so many at different stages. Nature in spring is a bit like growing into adolescence. March and early April there is a sudden surge of energy and glow on so many faces, somewhat like the glow of a woman with child. The first few years after a birth, a child is active in the home or daycares but as the season progresses one takes notice of the adolescent. The tulips, then the lilacs and cherry and apple trees show off their early growth like the young teen with the body of a woman or the tall, lanky athlete towering over teammates.

Isn`t nature amazing offering flora throughout the season onto mid-autumn, from tulips to sunflowers bowing slowly and majestically even after the first snowfall I am always awestruck. Maybe that’s why I love sunflowers and my nom-de-plume for waka (Japanese form poetry) is Tournesol.

© Clr '14 November, rue Henri Julien, Montréal — © Clr ’14 November, rue Henri Julien, Montréal

tulips in april
apple blossoms in May
lilacs in June
flora all summer-long
autumn sunflowers

Written for LindaGHill’s Stream of Conciousness Saturday prompt #SoCS May 14/16

melancholy (haibun)

This is a time of year a virus peaks its ugly head around mid-November. It spreads a virus to those most vulnerable. You may not “catch” it at the same time; you may not catch it every year and yet, there does not seem to be guaranteed antibiotic to cure its infective powers.

September days start waning as the sun sets sooner; October days rob you of nature’s dinner’s sweetest and most potent “digestif”. November drops its veil of hoary matter and thickens day after day, week after week hiding nature’s Monet, slowly slipping into Picasso’s Blue period. Nights are longer than days and symptoms of this virus multiply

Humans are deprived of nature’s nutrient feeding brains with hope and cheer. Life, death, separation and loss blend. Waiting, as it stings open wounds and those who’ve barely healed are reminded of life’s demises.

Children as well as adults struggle through these muddy paths sucked into the windstorm of grief and loss adjusting to season’s changes in the depths of their heart and soul.

Staring out her window, faithful cat by her side, cloves comes to mind. That dark bud stares at her, hard and bitter scents bleed into her soul, remembering Grandmaman in the kitchen adding spices to the turkey dressing. A portion of sage, pepper, salt and savory, are measured in the palm of her hand. She smiles when asked the portions as she adds just a pinch of cloves. Only she had the antidote that lifts the greyness of the soul and makes the heart beat anew.

Mother’s spice of life
unopened flower buds
cloves of promise

The prompt at Linda Hill’s Friday reminder for Stream of Conciousness Saturday is “clo”

Hear or Here (kyoka)

(Kyoka)

Stream of Consciousness

Linda asks us to write here

on what we hear,

read aloud it’s confusing

hearing “here”, “hear” sound alike.

Submitted for: SoCS Prompt Here/hear.

Taking Sides – LindayGHill’s SoCS – July 17

Taking Sides

The prompt for Stream of conciousness Friday is “Side”. Linda G Hill has asked us to write using this word alone, as a preface or suffix…just write as long as your stream consciousness stops, then link to her blog here.

There are many sides to a situation or a story. How many times have you heard a news bulletin telling the public the sensationalistic side of an event omitting other aspects that shed a different light to that event?

I am also reminded of children when parents are separating and how often they seem to shed blame on themselves. So many children seem to feel if they were nicer, quieter or more obedient, somehow their parents would still be together? That is certainly not true but still many children feel this inside the core of their souls.

Moving along on this same topic, friends and family often feel they need to take sides when a marriage breaks up. Friends may feel awkward and think they can’t be friends with one spouse if they hang out with the other spouse. But what if they were good friends as a couple? Wouldn’t it make sense to nurture and continue this friendship with each person? And yet, so many feel they have to take sides.

I have also noticed that couples feel uncomfortable when they hear of a break-up of a relationship. It is as if they are faced with a side of themselves {or their relationship} they prefer not to examine. Why not? Maybe it is a perfect opportunity to embrace the love they have in their relationship. Perhaps it is an occasion to work on some aspects of their relationship if they feel it is a bit rocky. But for goodness sakes, folks, another couple’s break-up is NOT contagious…you can see talk to her or him. If anything, this is a time they need a friend and compassionate listening ear. So stop taking sides and ask yourself, how would you feel and how would you like to be treated if you were no longer in your relationship? This is where you will see the true sides of a friend alright; the kind, compassionate side or the cautious, weary side; then again would it be the self-righteous, holier than thou side? One cannot judge another person for their choices in life unless they have truly walked a mile in their shoes.

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Happy Mother’s Day, Linda!

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