This week at Dungeon promptwe are asked to write about one of the more wilder things we’ve done in our life that looks a little out of place when put up next to the rest of our life’s journey. Or take it in another direction and write about our monsters, or demons.
boul St Laurent Montréal Street art, ’17
I think the worse monster I may have is self-doubt and questioning my own self-worth. That is not something that family and friends close to me know…more or less. It has its strengths and its weaknesses. In strength it emits humility. In weakness it chips away at my spirt and elicits inertia.
Some things, however, are best left unsaid. Have you ever held on to a deep dark secret for years and finally share one day out of sheer vulnerability? Perhaps you were tired or experiencing too many layers and layers of stresses in your life that that last drop made you spill some of it over. Maybe you were so raw and drunk with grief, it trickled out, only to discover later it may not have been the right person to dump on.
Maybe a priest, a therapist, a minister, a rabbi or a guru are appropriate recipients but is a friend the same? Is a spiritual guide better? Some things seem worse spoken out loud. Don’t they? Fantasies may be harmless until some are shared or acted upon. What about secrets deep inside that may shock your friend(s) or family? We all have demons, don’t we?
rarely share
secrets of the soul
hidden deep inside
life
all its dips and rises
every single day
always try to share
power of your faith
fullness of the heart
rarely share
secrets of the soul
hidden deep inside
most don’t really care
too busy with their dole
mornings
start in darkness
brighten thru the day
ups and downs
a fact of life
taken all in stride
caring is so easy
giving also pleasing
looking outwards
feeling all their pain
comfort and appease them
letting go of self
never share
secrets of the soul
hidden deep inside
dare not to confide
mysteries that confuse
merely cause unease
only wish they’d ask – instead,
keep my thoughts confined
death awaits us all patient – unassuming dark before the light
death awaits us all some may rather choose not to wait
patient and unassuming spirits of the night floating orbs invite
dark before the light lasting and forbidding demon of the night
demon of the night
asks not for forgiveness – lures
with empty promise
lasting and forbidding
clinging to the fabric
ripping at the soul
mending seems so futile
hopelessness a trend
dark before the light
demons sweeten my demise
cravings of an end
never ever share
secrets of the soul
hidden deep inside
life
like a valley
days bump in the night
darkness seems forever
climbing insurmountable
never ever share
secrets of the soul
hidden deep inside
praying lifts the soul
defying troubled times
builds protective shields
praying lifts the soul
demons kept at bay
harmless deep inside
defying troubled times
teasing Satan with his fire
smothering it with faith
builds protective shields
containing scents of weakness
fragrance of despair
writing keeps me sane
faith puts out the fires
praying is the same
never ever share
secrets of the soul
hidden deep inside
misunderstood,
hasty revelations may
alienate and scare
judge and jury
etched upon their faces
I shall never share
some secrets of the soul
hidden deep inside
some things
better left unsaid
only He can see
healing with His love
waiting for that moment
drying all my tears
opening my eyes – finally
see His blessed light
best to never share
secrets of the soul
unless through your prayers
Which truth do you hold no matter the time nor place? This isn’t a prompt about whether you believe in God or not, or in science or not. This is a morality question. For example, most of us can say that we believe in the commandment, thou shalt not kill, regardless of religion, but would you be able to stick with that even while witnessing your mother or sister being raped? Would you feel that it was wrong if another person, in that kind of situation, killed an attacker to save someone else? So the question here is, which of your values do you hold so strongly that it wouldn’t matter the time or place? Explain.
Here is my response I have made into a haibun.
This will be a 2 part response to the Dungeon’s prompt. It was the only way I could be truthful to myself.
1- Which truth do I hold no matter the time nor place?
I still believe that God loves everyone no matter what they may have done. I think about really evil people who murder, rape and destroy families and communities and still I am sure God still loves them. Why? Because we learned as a young child, that God is perfect and God is love. I found that difficult to believe as a young child and yet now, I find that comforting to know that even if I behave like a total badass, God will forgive me even if I don’t.
I struggle with forgiving myself more than anyone even someone who has greatly hurt me. They say forgiving is letting go and so it is actually liberating to do so; and still, I struggle forgiving myself. That is probably another story or prompt…loving myself enough to forgive.
2- Which value or values still hold true no matter what?
I will not list the commandments but I know I have broken a lot of them…let’s see, swearing, yep…especially in French and Quebec French uses many religious words when swearing and they have a whole list to choose from compared to the English language, which basically uses mostly the F word. There are so many that they just roll off the tongue especially when driving and getting cut off, I may spew out three or four words in one shot…to give you an example translated word for word I might say “Tabernacle, chalice, host, pyx, sacrament.” Now doesn’t that sound silly? But said in French sounds very different.
This was the hard part of the prompt; I still believe killing is wrong yet, I struggle trying to imagine if my children or grandson’s lives depended on me killing another person, I think that is a no brainer. But is it killing if it is self-defence…defending the lives of innocent people? Still, taking another life even under that circumstance, must be a mix of relief for my loved ones, yet eerie feeling to take another life.
If someone had tortured, assaulted or killed my children, would I want to kill him or her? That I would hope I could let go and let God deal with that person. I hope I would not be the judge and crucifier. I don’t believe killing would relieve me for my loss. How could it? But in the heat of the moment would I react differently? Would you? Who knows really, in moments of crazed anguish.
And then there are those who kill for sport…
hunting season
ducks follow the leader
a killer sport
hunting season
killers toast their kill
trophies hang on walls
ducks follow the leader
if only they would stop
quacking
a killer sport
if the game feeds families
nature may forgive
Saying goodbye can be so painful and that is what she did at the train station this evening. Idle chatter filled their last hour sitting on the platform waiting for the train. When the whistle blew, LAST CALL…they both stopped talking. They stared at each other for the longest two minutes without exchanging one word. Their eyes searched into each other’s soul, trying to transcribe those heavy thoughts. Their eyes swam in painful puddles…tears rolling down their cheeks…still, not a word.
The train’s engine started up and they simply hugged each other tightly for a brief moment and he picked up his valise and turned towards the train, never looking back.
Rather than take a cab home, she decided to walk the 10 kilometre passage on foot.
piercing emptiness tearing at her heart tears spill from heaven
I discovered a new form of poetry last month called The Cherita at Celestine’s blog Reading Pleasure, a gifted Haiku poetess; the Cherita was created byal li. Rather than using prose, I am telling my story with two Cherita followed by a Troiku which is a new form of haiku created by Chèvrefeuille. I name my haibun a troibun since troiku is the core.
Tournesol dans un Jardin 