Recently I have been reflecting on how I tend to be preoccupied with worry. However, I realize that ruminating in some cases bring me joy for example, when I am replaying a memory that warms my heart.
I remember seeing a video my daughter in law was kind enough to send me of my 3 yr old grand-daughter opening a Valentine card I mailed her and she takes her time trying not to tear the card inside, seeing it as a gift to her and once she opens it she shouts, “It’s a HOLIDAY! Thank you, Nana!” How quickly such delightful moments escape us when we are trying to record that moment…
pen to paper that brief moment put into words
pen to paper recalling that joy freezing an image alas! the moment has passed! like a butterfly in flight
I have since found a marvelous way to hold on to such memories. I relive them several times in my mind and whenever I need to take a 5 minute break to relax and get my “joyful fix”, I close my eyes and focus only on these blessed moments. I have several of my personal real life videos banked in the front drawer of my brain. Try this “fail free” practice of visiting joy at your leisure…and breathe [smiles].
For the past 4 weeks I have been rereading the Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron and redoing the exercises. The main one is journalling 3 pages each morning the moment I wake up. That is a bit of a challenge on the days I work since I am not a morning person and I have to set the alarm 30 minutes earlier. But I do set up my coffee maker on my vanity in my bedroom the night before so I can at least have my java fix as I write in a stream of consciousness.
Today is Day 2 of Week 4 and I managed to be inspired to write one poem/haiku…but you would not believe how I got my inspiration!
I noticed a new icon named Co-Pilot, on the task bar of my laptop and out of curiosity, I clicked on it. It popped up on my right side and it is an AI offering to answer questions, create background images …basically everything and anything. So, I typed in “poetry prompts” and it listed a bunch of types of poems…then I typed in “Haiku prompt” and it gave the definition of a haiku and gave me a bunch of prompts that were mediocre but the one that struck me was “sound”. I was hearing a sound in my office that stimulated emotions in me…and so here is the haiku that turned into a troiku.
Sleeping Sounds of Innocents (troiku)
Gentle whimpering
soothes the ears as she writes
sleeping feline moans
gentle whimpering
subtle sounds of innocence
moments of pure joy
soothes the ears as she writes
recalling sleeping infants
tugging at the heart
sleeping feline moans
dreaming chase in open fields
feasting on its prey.
“When I was 5 years old, my mother always told me that happiness was the key to life. When I went to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wrote down ‘happy’. They told me I didn’t understand the assignment, and I told them they didn’t understand life.”― John Lennon
She is not a religious person. She likes to think of herself as spiritual on one level, believing there is something greater than we can even conceive out there in the universe (except for the great minds who have risen to such a level of consciousness). She was raised to believe in God, Jesus as her brother, Mary as her mother. Such a foundation formed in a child’s mind usually stays…it had stayed with her. She still recites the Hail Mary from time to time; she still crosses herself when she passes a hearse or on-duty ambulance.
She feels there is beauty even in darkness. There is ugliness even in beauty. It does very little if you have hurt someone or made mistakes that impacted on others, if you do not first acknowledge it. That does not mean to live a life of guilt. Guilt is like a barometer, measuring moral good and bad. Oh, you know when you have crossed that line! You feel the twinge in your gut telling you “uh-oh, what have I done.” You may continue on that same path, but I have a sneaking suspicious once you are “aware” of its ugliness, it will never be the same…never be as joyful…never ever will you be able to reach bliss.
Like a person addicted to heroin who first experiences that pure high…nirvana, he calls it and every other time he shoots up, he is chasing that same feeling which he never will achieve. Imagine if for once, just once, you achieved such a high, a pure white light of consciousness of feeling uplifted and serene just by meditating or chanting your favourite prayer or mantra! Now that would be something to chase…what a beautiful goal in life.
What feeling do you get when you give someone something without ever owing them anything, without they`re asking for anything…just because you want to give?
The other day she was rushing to work and stopped to pick up a bagel and cream cheese…it was cut in half and she took one out to eat quickly before getting on the Métro. She passes a young man, who she often sees at the same spot begging for money. She had not gone to the bank to get any money since her trip, so she handed the bag with the other half of the cream cheese bagel and simply said, “Please, it is still warm…” and left.
Walking to the Métro, towards rue St-Denis at midnight where it gets a bit tricky to cross the street, she stands at the centre of the street on a block of cement not to get hit by the oncoming traffic and waits patiently. An off-duty ambulance stops and waits for her to cross the street. She felt so blessed…what a beautiful gesture, a selfless act! It gave her such a nice warm feeling walking home at one in the morning. What a lovely way to end her day/night.
Amma, (Mata Amritanandamyi) is an Indian Guru, a saint, Divine Mother, a deity, who believes in Love and Compassion. Thinking of the death of John Lennon today, December 8, 1980, she cannot help but be reminded how he believed, modeled and sang about peace, compassion and love as well. Amma chants, Lokah Samastah Sukino Bhavantu (May Peace and Happiness Prevail).
snowing petals like white flowers falling from the sky
John Lennon wrote a song in January 1970 and this particular song was recorded the very next day. Apparently, this is something quite rare. It is said he repeated the studio recording three times and that was it…it was ready. Surely he was also blessed at that moment writing about peace…not condemning necessarily those who do wrong because after all, we may have a chance in another life to do good. She believes that it is often in this same lifetime we are given an opportunity to change our lives around. She saw it family…people who had led a life of greed and hurt many people along the way. The last twenty years of their lives, they became better persons…they suffered illnesses, suffered loneliness and isolation but their attitude in life turned from bitterness to a state of satisfaction and fulfillment.
“A dream you dream alone is only a dream. A dream you dream together is reality”(John Lennon)
Here is that famous song, the late John Lennon composed and sang 46 years ago:
Instant Karma by John Lennon
Instant Karma’s gonna get you
Gonna knock you right on the head
You better get yourself together
Pretty soon you’re gonna be dead
What in the world you thinking of
Laughing in the face of love
What on earth you tryin’ to do
It’s up to you, yeah you
Instant Karma’s gonna get you
Gonna look you right in the face
Better get yourself together darlin’
Join the human race
How in the world you gonna see
Laughin’ at fools like me
Who in the hell d’you think you are
A super star
Well, right you are
Well we all shine on
Like the moon and the stars and the sun
Well we all shine on
Ev’ryone come on
Instant Karma’s gonna get you
Gonna knock you off your feet
Better recognize your brothers
Ev’ryone you meet
Why in the world are we here
Surely not to live in pain and fear
Why on earth are you there
When you’re ev’rywhere
Come and get your share
Well we all shine on
Like the moon and the stars and the sun
Yeah we all shine on
Come on and on and on on on
Yeah yeah, alright, uh huh, ah
Well we all shine on
Like the moon and the stars and the sun
Yeah we all shine on
On and on and on on and on
Well we all shine on
Like the moon and the stars and the sun
Well we all shine on
Like the moon and the stars and the sun
Well we all shine on
Like the moon and the stars and the sun
Yeah we all shine on
Like the moon and the stars and the sun
It’s 3am and she cannot sleep…the mind just won’t shut UP! Drowning in too many emotions dredged from those thoughts, she finally gets up to make a cuppa and let her fingers translate the mind’s clutter….tap, tap, tap…the words fill the page…tap, tap, tap, her cup is almost empty…
Today we celebrated National Indigenous Peoples Day which also falls on summer solstice. All day an the beginning of summer, the end of the school here in Quebec and the birth of her mother. On June 22nd, 1926, a lovely, smiling baby girl was born…she had curly locks and a contagious laugh. She brought joy to so many people and loved her children and grandchildren/great grandchildren more than life itself. And that says a lot. She had two open heart surgeries and 3 other heart procedures…she fought so hard to live. Where did she get the courage and strength? Surely her unrelenting faith as well as her love for her family. It is appropriate that she started her journey into this world during the summer solstice…the sun was her best friend. Oh how she loved its glow and warmth!
She is missed but today her memory brings joy. Bonne Anniversaire, Colombe….Happy Birthday, Mom/Nanny.
Open your heart
letting in joy
Scent of sweet lilacs
Open your heart
Rustling leaves
Sound of laughter
Letting in joy
Swaddled in the warmth
Of summer
Scent of sweet lilacs
longest day of the year
Summer solstice
How I miss her nudging me...those sporadic visits. Going for a walk, I would feel the hints of a verse, a word...a perfect moment whispering to me. My mind always wanders...so hard to be mindful because my eyes see one thing for a moment and then she takes over with an interesting narrative. A bike missing a wheel thrown carelessly beneath a balcony. What if it was a kidnapping and the bike was thrown here from another town? What if it was an accident and the biker had no ID, police still looking for John Doe? What if...indeed!!
I miss holding an image in my heart f then allowing it to simmer for a day or two and turning it into a watercolour of words, three brief lines that take your imagination on to a lovely journey. Other times it can be philosophical or spiritual but definitely, with a tasteful metaphor.
Since the pandemic, rather than benefit from time during those moments if isolation... inspiration changed to a very scattered mind. Words were mixed with fear but this morning there was a slight shift ...
Softly whispers
Welcoming lilt
Brief rendezvous
Softly whispers
Moment in time
wades in my soul
Welcoming lilt
Holding my breath
Listening to her voice
Brief rendezvous
Still
breathtaking
(c) Tournesol 2023-03-05 Daily Moments
A widow and her sons gathered with their cousins the evening before…reacquainting with each other, reminiscing their childhoods…remembering their father, their uncle, her life long partner of 68 years, who passed. They laughed, they danced, they ate a feast cousins had ordered for the family; they drank and remembered a wonderful man who touched so many friends and family of all ages. One cousin was up late downloading music her cousins had chosen to be played at the burial. Another cousin went to the florist to get roses and rose petals.
The next morning, she woke up early and went to the coffee shop to have breakfast and listened to her muse…in two hours her uncle’s ashes would be interred at the family graveside. It was cloudy but not raining and clouds were making room for the sun’s rays…
Cimetière Notre-Dame-des-Neiges, Montréal, Qc.
grey skies
beckoning
no more tears
grey skies
casting shadows
under their eyes
beckoning
softly whispers
please don't cry
no more tears
like dust in the wind
smiling from above
(c) Tournesol 2022-10-18
and then the sun appeared as if he was smiling ...
Tournesol dans un Jardin 