Resolution (troibun). SoCS

I am not much for resolutions since it makes me feel locked in a wish to change a behaviour and when you feel forced, well, it’s like stubborn toddler in me resurfaces and I want to stomp my feet and say NO!!! I don’t want to, so there! And since I’m an adult, NO ONE can send me to my room, right?

However, as I age I feel my solitude, time to think and meditate and talk to myself for hours, days, weeks…I find myself rereading old wise words from yellowed pages of my books. Buddhist thought making more and more sense that I find myself wanting to try. I read over a list of 7 ways to overcome difficult times and posted it in on last journal of 2017 and it got me thinking.

I have had time to think a lot lately. Since December 22nd, I have worked one day and Christmas I went out for our family dinner…That is about what sums up my time off work. I had planned a trip and booked a train to see family for New Year’s in Toronto but my health was so so and did not feel it was right to visit people nursing a cold that would probably get much worse if I did not just rest in my own bed under very warm duvet cover in this crazy cold weather we are having in Quebec at -25 C most days. So I have had a lot of time to think. I have not been writing as much lately either. I seem to think too much and my thoughts get stuck in a dark whirlwind of negativity that it depresses me. My muse is not strong enough to weather that, so I escape by binging on Netflix. I try to read but it takes so much energy to concentrate on any book even if it is great!! This week, thankfully, I started reading The House Without Windows by Nadia Hashimi and finally, I am captivated. It has been months that I have been captivated like that and it feels so good. Granted the book is not a happy story but it is real, intense and about women and in this particular story it takes place in Afghanistan. I fell in l love with stories of Afghanistan and what it was like before wars and takeovers with a novel, A Thousand Splendid Suns by Khaled Hosseini. I read his Kite Runner after but that first novel just made want to know more.

I wrote my first poem (troiku) of the year today as well. And writing this feels hopeful that perhaps the storm in my mind is dying down or simmering at least and not taking over of my every thought which influences my actions. I feel hopeful.

Now, the resolution I had been thinking of for the past three days is to take each day as if it is the first day of the new year. You know how some people like to take the first day of the year as happy and positive? Well, I want to be mindful of today…each moment and tomorrow is not here but I hope to wake up and just feel that moment when I open my eyes, I stretch and get up. That moment I pet my cat and give her her food. I want to be more mindful each new day this year. Just like the moments I walk to work and chanting my mantra, noticing the tree branches move slightly and I imagine they are praying too! I want to be mindful like those moments as many minutes in the day and hold my love and compassion in my heart and with each movement. Happy New Year everyone!

For the first time
Looking out the frozen window
A new year

For the first time
Seeing sunlight
My eyes still shut

Looking out the frozen window
Cold snap goes on and on
Since last year

A new year
Looks like yesterday
Different attitude

©️Tournesol’2018/01/01

Written for Linda’s Friday Reminder of Stream of Consciousness Saturday.

End of year reflections (troibun)

December 26, 2017

Family gathered last night for dinner. Was it out of tradition or duty more than yearnings? Some with childlike passion and wonder, some giddy with holiday excitement and one with a sharp tongue dripping with masked humour hurting the target who’s left screaming silently with a heavy heart.

Where has love gone
Forgiveness and bygones…lost
Tales of yesterday

December 27, 2017

Honey, it’s cold outside at minus 19 C with the wind chill feels like minus 27C. Each day since Christmas it gets colder. Nothing to talk about except the weather. She sits in her mother’s rocker with the paisley covered cushions; she tries to write but nothing feels right and certainly nothing filled with holiday cheer. She thought of journaling but same difference, grey tones mixed with dark notions not fitting for this time of year.

White landscapes
A winter wonderland
Outside her window

Lethargy filled days catching up with much needed rest. Sleeping, reading, daydreaming, weeping and watching movies filled her days. Whenever she tried to write, only the pain resurfaced, and so she escaped in her dreams and her stories on the screen.

Cutting the current
In her brain
she finds relief
A winter wonderland
Outside her window

December 29, 2017

Knits her thoughts
wrapped in melancholy
she waits

knits her thoughts
dropping stitches one by one
a new year

wrapped in melancholy
masking old wounds
and forgiveness

she waits
tic toc tic toc
countdown to midnight

December 30th. 2017

Time freezes
Subzero temperatures
For awhile

Time freezes.
Midnight revellers
Numbed with champagne

Subzero temperatures
memories
In perpetuity

For awhile
Until twenty eighteen
A new chapter

Daily Moments December 26th to December 30, 2017

Presents of presence (troibun) Daily Moments December 9 2017

Image may contain: tree, sky, car and outdoor — ©Tournesol’17/12/09

Peering out the window, she sighs with relief. She is an observer today and doesn’t need to join the crowd across the street. All the hustle and bustle in the shops are stressful enough but to add to this, people circling around for too long to find the perfect parking spot. Heaven forbid today she is not working where she would be normally cutting through this lot to get to her bus for work! Yes, she has been bumped by a car before and the man just looked at her as if she was a vision! Last week a young woman was passing through a STOP sign and the lined area where she was crossing…it shocked her as well and she just stopped in front of the car, gave her the “mother look” and pointed to the stop sign. My oh my, what a way for her to start her work day! It actually shook her back to reality and that she must be extra careful this time of year. Not only must she watch out for ice patches or black ice, at stop signs or even traffic lights, there are always one or two cars that whip by as if she had no business crossing the road at a GREEN light!

Now the holidays should be seasoned with love, well wishes and harmony. But it is rarely so for too many. The less fortunate who may have just lost their job, expectant children wondering what Christmas morning will be like and mothers trying to make a feast with next to nothing are some realities too many are living. It is a time of year many youths say how they dread going back to school to hear their peers boast about their gifts and how they can’t wait for the novelty of that new tablet, racing sled or hockey equipment is over so they can feel more or less “normal” among their classmates.

For some may who may have a little more, the pressure is still on to balance all the gifts fairly among their children. The extra cost of food is quite astounding and certainly breaks the weekly budget for at least a month or so. How did her grandmother do this on her meagre old age pension?!

She sighs again praying silently…

(troiku)

wished upon a star
sundry degrees of joy – rise
with one’s presence

wished upon a star
feels a loving presence
warmth drapes her

sundry degrees of joy – rise
family and friends’ warm wishes
watch her grandson sleep

with one’s presence
and another and another
multiplies the presents

©Tournesol’2017/12/10

The Daily Post – Degree – Daily Moments – presents of presence (Troibun)

A Troiku is a new form of haiku created by Chevrefeuille at Carpe Diem Haiku Kai

Coco Chanel (MicroPoetry Month #12) Daily moments (Troibun)

The sun shines brightly in the cold pale skies and yet, her soul is filled with greyness? The day will move slowly as she shuffles through her clutter. That old overcoat that should have been thrown in the trash, swings gently from side to side. What is she doing still holding on to those tan boots that cramp her toes? They remind her of better days and happy times, strutting with a sense of purpose. As she moves further into the greyness she finds her mother’s old raincoat she has yet to wear. As she slips it on, she feels her presence…still.

soft scents
float around her
Chanel

soft scents
rest in droplets
kissing her cheek

float around her
Sinatra and Doris Day
melodies

Chanel
admiring CoCo
worshiping the sun

©Tournesol’17/11/12

I love the haibun form and since I have also fallen in love with the Troiku (a haiku form created by Chevrefeuille at CarpeDiemHaikuKai) I have coined the haibun with a troiku, Troibun.

Written for MicroPoetry Month #12 where we are inspired to write a haibun.

The history of sun tanning and Coco Chanel.

never fortten (troibun) daily moments November 8 2017

https://www.kusuyama.jp/wp-content/uploads/11111439_509f3a13565ba.jpg

November quest
kiku blossoms whispering
forget me not

In the cool autumn nights of November they stir in their beds. Not a sound is heard as they wiggle their way out breathing in one long inhalation of new life. Adorning their beds are yellow chrysanthemums slowly decaying from the cold winds. Yet, as they breathe upon them, life is restored and their stems straighten at attention and their blossoms billow.

(troiku)
roaming in the night
over fields of poppies
visiting loved ones

roaming in the night
startling
the old night owl

over fields of poppies
coming back
to be remembered

visiting loved ones
ever so gently
in their dreams

©Tournesol’17/11/08

*Kiku= Chrysanthemum in Japanese

Heeding Haiku with Chevrefeuille at MindLoveMiserysMenagerie

Daily moments – never forgotten – November 8 2017

MicroPoetry Month – November 8 2017

eerie nights (troibun) Daily Moments October 30/17

Clouds no longer form shapes in the sky. All one sees now is grey and greyer. Wind gusts and rain make the trees flap their arms shedding their leaves that are still green! The day is coming and we feel it in our bones due to the dampness, the cold and daunting night of Hallow’s Eve.

stars hiding
behind heavy billows
filled with tears

stars hiding
waiting to shine
on All Hallow’s Day

behind heavy billows
stories retold
of revered saints

filled with tears
dressed as an angel
dropped all her candies

©Tournesol’17/10/30

Written for Ronovan’s Weekly Haiku Challenge: Spooky Night

A troiku is a new form of haiku created by Chevrefeuille at CarpeDiemHaikuKai. I have coined the haibun in this case a Troibun.

divine intervention (troibun)

Northern lights will never be the same, she thought, ever since she spoke to that boy years ago. He was giving up on life filled with so much grief saying he wanted to join his ancestors who came every night in shimmering shapes and colours.

tinted shadows
communing with their heirs
every night

tinted shadows
everlasting radiance
from heaven

communing with their heirs
messages of love
embracing life

every night
animated skies return
divine presence

A troibun is really a haibun with a set of 4 haiku, called a Troiku created by Chevrefeuille http://chevrefeuillescarpediem.blogspot.com/p/troiku-new-form-of-haiku.html

rich soup (troibun)

They lived in a modest house in the country. The young boy went out to the porch to get a cup of rice from a tall burlap bag. His mom was boiling onions in water with bones she got at the butcher.

rice floating
in beef bouillon
humble man’s soup
what lacks in chewy meat
enriched with a mother’s love

http://chevrefeuillescarpediem.blogspot.ca/2017/10/carpe-diem-1267-millionaire.html

scent of autumn (troibun)

Autumn entails hard work for those who own homes especially with gardens. It is a time where leftover vegetables and dead leaves blend with garden soil…getting the land ready for a long slumber under snow covered grounds. Grownups are busy with garden tools and raking leaves in tall mounds.

midday break
resting on a nest of leaves
scent of autumn

midday break
crunch of Mackintosh
by the maple tree

resting on a nest of leaves
grandson helps her up
failing knees accept

scent of autumn
marigolds slip in
summer’s remains

Written for http://chevrefeuillescarpediem.blogspot.ca/2017/10/carpe-diem-1265-perfume.html

hopeless in DC (troibun) Daily Moments Sept 29 ~17

I am just thinking out loud here. I try not to delve to much into political rants but this has been bugging me for quite some time…

You know that wonderful tool “remote access” where someone takes possession of your computer? You know what I mean, right? It is like a person with IT capabilities, shrink themselves smaller than Tom Thumb and makes corrections on your computer. It is weird seeing that mouse point in all sorts of directions, letters showing up on your screen and you have not even touched the darn keyboard!! Right?

Now I wonder if this tool, “remote access” could be programmed with that leader south of here who seems to trump up on those 140 characters he tweets every day. Honestly, there should be an anti-trump-up (you know like an anti-virus) configured on every electronics he touches that can neutralize any stupid, discriminatory and dangerous to the nation and the world comment. That might save the nation from some of his blunders. As for his speeches, well that seems hopeless.

hopeless
growling like a rabid dog
in Washington

hopeless
waiting for the calm
caught in his tirades

growling like a rabid dog
people running for shelter
danger’s in the air

in Washington
living in a bad dream, like
1984

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