When pain hits over the 7 threshold and stays steady for days and nights, it can impact on the soul. By then the body is looking for a comfortable position and the soul now feels trapped in a dark unpleasant place. It’s like a massive truck has supernatural powers and it can crush the spirit as well as the body…locked in a third dimension. All you
can do is wait and distract yourself with little movement, safe for gentle restorative yoga…the mat becomes my home.
And then at any time of day or night, it lifts…the tolerable level between 2 and 5 is a blessing. Suddenly the soul feels like flying…it is one thing to be in pain but oh, the taste life when it diminishes…I become human again, pleasant again and even my mindset becomes positive. That is “something I truly enjoy” …ah to feel human again and stick my heart, soul and body out to take in that amazing sunshine even when the sun is above the clouds.
It creeps in Ever so subtly Harming cunningly
It creeps in Uninvited Unruly guest
Ever so subtly Increasing its voice Jarringly
Harming cunningly Like an abusive partner inflicting pain
I hope people had a lovely Mother’s Day yesterday but mostly that those who may have found it overwhelming that they took care of themselves. It was nice and sunny Saturday here but Sunday was grey and sometimes that can influence our moods.
You know how we (humans) seem to focus on the “not so happy” feelings sometimes and not the joys we do have? Well, I woke up with the latter Sunday morning. For days I have been missing my mom…a lot. I know it may seem silly because if she were alive she would be 97 and I was so lucky to have her in my life as long as I did, but still…she’s my mom! So I guess my mood was grey like the clouds and had a good cry. It`s amazing how cathertic that can be…it actually gave room for positive feelings.
I was plannning my day in my mind…feed the bff’s (best feline friends), have a cup of java, exercise toes and feet (I’ve been working on my mobility these days with sore feet) and I was planning later to take the bus to the florist 5 stops from here, get a nice bouquet for my mom, then walk to a different bus stop to go to the cemetery. I was actually surprised to see that this florist was so close to my place. I could walk on normal days but the feet need TLC these days.
After putting in my toe separators for a 10mins exercise, my phone rings. I can see it is my son and when I answer I hear Lara my 3.5 yr old grand-daughter…”NANA!!!!” Hmm, I guess it is not a phone call but a video call again…after fidgetting clumsily with my phone I see that adorable face and Shirley Temple curls smiling at me, asking me in French “As-tu fait un beau dodo, Nana?” [did you have a nice sleep?]
They wished me “Bonne Fête des Mamans!” and asked me what my plans were. I mentioned just going to the florist to pick up flowers for Nanny and they asked to come with me. Well, that sure tickled my spirits!
They arrived with a lovely surpsise… a huge hanging basket of flowers and plants for my balcony.
We went to the florist and then to the cemetery which was crowded..always is on Mother’s Day…I must go back alone on my mom’s birithday in June so we can have a nice quiet conversation…
It was cute to see Lara…I told her it was a park for older folks, not a play park but it was very pretty and peaceful. It really is a nice place…there is nice pond with flowers and shrubs and benches around the pond. I especially love the weeping willows. I have written a few poems sitting there and even made some greeting cards from the photos (without saying where the beautiful image is from…some people cringe at the word ‘cemetery’).
We explained to Lara to not walk on the plaques on the ground with words on it, so she would ask me to read some of them all the way to my mom’s spot.
three generations honouring their matriarch Mother`s Day field-trip
I remember my kids telling me when they would stay at my mom’s for a few days, she would have a picnic at the cemetery where several departed family members were resting. I only heard about this when I saw some photos from my mom’s album when she passed.
Mom had a way of visiting her dad and siblings and later her mom and made it a fun day…a visit rather than a sad day. I like that. At the time I did not see it as positive but a bit gruesome. I get it now especially seeing Lara’s smiling face. Yes, I think if she spends time here I may take the bus with her to go there…taking the bus is a treat too for little ones who are used to being driven everywhere. My grandson loved our trips to the city by bus and Métro.
We went back to their home for a fun visit at the park and then a nice dinner.
hear the music squeals and giggles toddlers on the swing
After dinner Lara sat next to me with a book she wanted me to read and Gabriel sat on the other side. I had never read this one before. As I read, I could feel both children huddle closer to me and looking up at my face as I acted out a lot of the words. Their mom laughed saying I looked as excited as the children were reading it. I actually was…I love discovering new children’s stories. I also like making up children’s stories.
I had such a lovely day and slept like a baby last night.
Tomorrow I will be having a belated Mother’s Day dinner with my daughter. What a full week filled with love.
My heart is swelling so much I feel it against my chest.
I had my last appointment at the podiatrist …and decided to take an Uber. I did not feel like spending a few hours in transit. It was raining again like the last appointment. Maybe the Universe arranged it this way so I would not feel guilty spending money on my ride.
Usually I enjoy chatting with the drivers who often have such interesting stories to share but this morning, I noticed the driver seemed interested in their talk show about politics on a francophone channel and thought it best to get back to my podcast. The driver seemed to drive with an uncertain foot…fast, then slow, fast, then slow. Yep, just as well, I did not chat on this ride as it might distract the driver.
After the brief appointment, I decided to walk to the coffee shop to have lunch and relax. On my way there, I was pleasantly surprised to see a car stop to let me cross. A gesture like that sure makes my day!
feeling grateful
a stranger’s act of kindness
fills my heart
I took out my little notebook I carry with me just in case I get an idea for a poem and savoured my dark roast.
at the coffee shop
aromas rouse my senses
soft music echoes
unaware to such pleasures,
patrons staring at their phones
For the past 4 weeks I have been rereading the Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron and redoing the exercises. The main one is journalling 3 pages each morning the moment I wake up. That is a bit of a challenge on the days I work since I am not a morning person and I have to set the alarm 30 minutes earlier. But I do set up my coffee maker on my vanity in my bedroom the night before so I can at least have my java fix as I write in a stream of consciousness.
Today is Day 2 of Week 4 and I managed to be inspired to write one poem/haiku…but you would not believe how I got my inspiration!
I noticed a new icon named Co-Pilot, on the task bar of my laptop and out of curiosity, I clicked on it. It popped up on my right side and it is an AI offering to answer questions, create background images …basically everything and anything. So, I typed in “poetry prompts” and it listed a bunch of types of poems…then I typed in “Haiku prompt” and it gave the definition of a haiku and gave me a bunch of prompts that were mediocre but the one that struck me was “sound”. I was hearing a sound in my office that stimulated emotions in me…and so here is the haiku that turned into a troiku.
Sleeping Sounds of Innocents (troiku)
Gentle whimpering
soothes the ears as she writes
sleeping feline moans
gentle whimpering
subtle sounds of innocence
moments of pure joy
soothes the ears as she writes
recalling sleeping infants
tugging at the heart
sleeping feline moans
dreaming chase in open fields
feasting on its prey.
November often is filled with grey skies, fallen leaves and cold rain that often turns to snow. It is a time of transition between cool to cold, between vibrance versus calm and rest. Mother Earth needs a rest and will wrap us soon with a white blanket…Some people are excited for the holidays but many feel melancholy, missing loved ones far away or no longer here. Some are living in a past that is missed, others look forward to the joys of holiday gatherings, good food and children’s eyes twinkling with excitement.
At my age, I’ve been blessed with archives of many joys and here are just a few…
Sitting by the riverside, waiting for the sun to set
willows weep with joy last sights of nature’s beauty sun dips below silent nestlings tucked in robin does her last round
sunset dips beneath blue azure fluid hues of joy
So many joys to share…moments in time linger in my memory.
The first time you learn you are pregnant after years of trying. I remember not believing the pharmacist and asked him to write it down on the receipt to show my husband. My legs were shaking so much, giggling nervously and I could not drive for a good fifteen minutes.
I remember thechallenges of being a first time homeowner. One morning, my husband had to call the contractor for help when our basement was flooded. I just kept smiling…Iwas in my own world because I felt my baby move in my belly for the very first time.
Hearing the crunch underfoot walking on that first snowfall. Making snow angels and tasting snowflakes on my tongue. Hearing my grandson giggle when I slipped and fell in the snow. Hearing my grand-daughter respond to my ”Te amo”…with ”Mucho mucho!”…a joy that makes the heart melt with so much love.
Seeing my grandchildren wave and smile at me on video chat!! Even technology can bring me joy!
The first time my child says, “Mummy” My adult child that says“I love you, Mom!” Grandchildren saying, “I love you Nana!”
A struggling youth in such pain ends his call with me, “You give me hope”
Toddler walking barefoot on the grass for the first time, lifting his foot because it tickles.
night unveils new dawn dewdrops on soft petals sun kissed skies
Memories transport me to another time…
sitting on a park bench giggling children joy painted on their lips
sitting on a park bench swallows chirp telling stories
giggling children skipping, running joyfully tag you’re it
joy painted on their lips brings new life to any day how the spirit glows!
Awakened Christmas moring discovering Santa’s surprise under the tree. Eavesdropping from my bed, “But how did he know?!” my heart bathed in love, weeping tears of joy…
Carols echoing Adeste Fidele…such moments of delight! Yesterday’s joys, born again, I smile anew!
Today we celebrated National Indigenous Peoples Day which also falls on summer solstice. All day an the beginning of summer, the end of the school here in Quebec and the birth of her mother. On June 22nd, 1926, a lovely, smiling baby girl was born…she had curly locks and a contagious laugh. She brought joy to so many people and loved her children and grandchildren/great grandchildren more than life itself. And that says a lot. She had two open heart surgeries and 3 other heart procedures…she fought so hard to live. Where did she get the courage and strength? Surely her unrelenting faith as well as her love for her family. It is appropriate that she started her journey into this world during the summer solstice…the sun was her best friend. Oh how she loved its glow and warmth!
She is missed but today her memory brings joy. Bonne Anniversaire, Colombe….Happy Birthday, Mom/Nanny.
Open your heart
letting in joy
Scent of sweet lilacs
Open your heart
Rustling leaves
Sound of laughter
Letting in joy
Swaddled in the warmth
Of summer
Scent of sweet lilacs
longest day of the year
Summer solstice
Tournesol dans un Jardin 