an infant is born
one or two parents
bond and sojourn
with babe in their arms
for years to come,
attention is spent
to this child’s content.
Then something snaps
this union elapse
estrangement ensues
the youth feels alone
cannot even grasp,
yet tries to remember
this schism took place
he then comprehends
and feels a disgrace
his parent’s don’t care
or want to erase
his presence forever
he’s n’er been born.
when did this all happen?
each off on their own
no one is communicating
a youth is deteriorating
and wants to give up
knows not how to cope
but then will reach out
and we’ll instill hope.
Skip, skip, hop, hop,
she turned around on one foot
threw her pebble on six
the hop, hop, hopping followed;
heard a whisper, stopped transfixed,
then a long deep moan
she stood on both feet…forlorn
little child frozen on square five
not budging, terror took over her
dared not move her head,
just her eyes from side to side,
the moan grew louder, longer
her eyes just gawked…
she turned her head swiftly
to the right and THERE she saw it
from the dark basement window
it looked like a man…an old man
with long shoulder length white hair
he looked exactly like Ebenezer!
MOAN
GROAN
BEUHHHHHHHH!
She turned her four yr old body
and stode frozen, staring, tears streaming
down her chubby cheeks….
MOAN
GROAN
BEUHHHHHHHH!
And then she hurled t
he loudest piercing yowl!
the engineer on the oncoming train
must have heard the howl.
Grandmother came running down the stairs,
grabbed her by the shoulders
to shake her back to reality
shouting at the THING at the basement window
“Stop scaring the child like that, GrandPa!!”
then hugged the child close to her bosom,
whispering, Shshshshshshshshsh.
Since last December I have had many class interviews on the phone students about the work I do, working on a youth help line. One question that came out often, just warmed my heart. The fact that these youths were concerned about me! So when I saw this prompt to write a poem and start it with a question, this came to mind.
Don’t you feel sad when you go home at night listening to unhappy stories about this or that?
Why I guess sometimes I do feel sad alright! That is really sweet of you to ask me that.
Do you cry sometimes?
Why yes, I may feel a tear run down my cheek from time to time.
So how do you feel better?
I think you are wondering how I practice self-care. I am very much aware I need to be mindful of my feelings as well or else I would not be capable working here as long as I’ve been able. I talk to my supervisor some of the time or a counsellor friend, they always will lend a good listening ear so I can continue working day after day right here. I walk a lot, write a lot too I read for distraction and love comedy shows like The Big Bank Theory gets me laughing quite loudly. There is always a counsellor or manager available to allow me to debrief which is a great relief! Thank you so very much for asking and caring such!
Who am I? If I tell you who I truly am, what is left for me? I always thought this for a long time. How much we are guarded at times. How close to my chest must I hold my cards? If I tell a person a secret, well, something no one knows but me, will he/she still accept me? The answer is a) probably not b) no way c) maybe with time d) all of the above Well, I know, you, Emily, will accept me…you have no choice, you stuck, glued at the hip…poor you!!! {chuckles}
In the past 2 weeks I am reading some Daily Quips from ButterflySand and they are getting under my skin, not quite like those ghastly giant hives I get off and on but still they are making me think. Shoot! For a person who tends to overthink things to the point of insomnia, I’ve tried with all my might this past week to shove it under the carpet in that walk in closet of my soul. But darnit! it is persistent, consistent and pervasive like dust in our homes (Oh, how I love my home at night when dust is veiled with twilight!)
I reblogged a post by Dave Kester on Stop the Stigma and I invite you to check that as well because that post truly impacted on me and I think people may truly appreciate his humble candor in this piece on secrets we hold about our personal self.
My ruminating all started with a post on Rage also by Butter Sand and made me see how we all have our weaknesses or failings when we may just explode, be upset, get frustrated, become impatient and then there are explosions…yikes! One would have to wonder what brought that on, right? If we do it in the privacy of our own homes, we dismiss it after a few moments of feeling shame. But when it happens in front of a close friend, a child (even worse!) or in public (work, store, etc.) then we know we need to do something about it OR withdraw for fear it happens again…and not get too close for fear someone gets to know us TOO well. What if it is another type of flaw we harbour and don’t want anyone to know about us? How do we hide it? How is it nurtured to stay within us for so long? How does it settle like a comfy couch and yet…is it really that comfy?
Well, this writer/blogger/artist/poet made me think a lot. I am thinking that perhaps there is a reason I am noticing more posts of similar nature. Fate? Serendipity? …maybe I am at a place in my life where I AM supposed to be just about now.
DungeonPrompts are weekly prompts that allow bloggers to do some introspection, if they want, and write from a personal account OR a fiction, poem, story. This week it’s about Writing in the Flow. Well, that surely rings a bell. I read Julia Cameron’s book, The Artist’s Way years ago and did all the exercises in the book. I took a journaling class at U of T at St Michael’s College years ago as well, partly to unleash my creativity so I could write more but what happened was it opened my eyes to a lot of pent up stuff I was holding back. I suppose that too will hold back our creativity. Well, if you look at this week’s prompt you will see some quotes that Sreejit posted that allude to that fact as well.
So I read this prompt and another light goes on. The instructions are so similar to what I tell youths on the phone and yesterday in particular I repeated and did a relaxation/imagery meditation with several youths who phoned our service. I may do it once or twice a week but rarely so often in one shift. Nonetheless, I do find it fascinating that so many pieces are falling into place…feel like being visiting by old friends and family. Like anyone, we have people in our past we don’t care to revisit but some boomerang back because we have things to settle within ourselves…still.
And so some of my past readings are forcing me to do some serious introspection…thank goodness for poetry for some thoughts are articulated with a bit more grace…the good, the bad and the ugly. I tell you, Emily, I am so busy on overdrive with this pondering!
Today is May 1st and it does feel like a beginning as we enter, finally, in our neck of the woods. Pam at Butterfly Sands posts yet another lovely thought to ponder on her Daily Quip which I reblogged earlier this morning. This is how I want to end this reflection, Emily, on a positive note as she described that people don’t just love you despite your flaws but that our flaws are what make us…make ME and I’m wonderful…YOU are wonderful as you are!
How come I don’t think of listening to my favourite on-line radio station? I am on-line so much with work, with blogging and today I realized when I am home weekends, I often write in silence. Granted, sometimes I do prefer to shut out any distractions for my thoughts are enough and if I add lyrics and melody, I get overwhelmed and cannot concentrate. It`s different at work, however. If I am writing a “story to share” or on-line counselling, I may put in my ear buds and listen to music to block out the business and voices heard on crisis call centres.
Today I was chatting with a cyber friend/writer/poet extraordinaire/blogger and sharing how I also love music and how it can impact on my mood. No surprise there, right? Look at folks who listen to music on the street, on the bus, train and Métro. You see some bobbing their heads, swaying, lip singing, moving their shoulders and walking is sort of cool too. Oh, Oh, That reminds me! Have you ever noticed when you are driving in the car especially in the city during a busy time and you are listening to funky music or rock and roll (whatever is your pleasure)? Observing the pace of some pedestrians seem to match just perfectly the beat of a song you are listening to. That is so cool! Haha, it is funny when it is a fast upbeat tune and you see some people pick up their pace to beat the light or of course if you are a Montrealer, well, we just jaywalk…sometimes quickly sometimes not so quickly. If you`re the driver being cut off by a warm body, well, you have to stop…so that may interrupt your music mood for a few seconds. Just crank up the volume and let it go and enjoy the harmony and not your inner frustration…It`s Montreal! deal with it (smiles) it is part of our culture.
I think that is something I may want to work on a bit now…patience and driving. The cyclists especially are out and in the city they usually do not think of motorists, so I need to be mindful of that and pretend I have a twin that is on her bike just as I am leaving for work in my car. Oh, yeah, and leaving a bit earlier may help to avoid that “road rage”. {Gotta work on that one!}
Back to my original question, why didn`t I think of that? Since I am so often on-line, I must remember to log on to Jango.com a free radio station that you can add ONLY your music delights, favs and no commercials. I guess I stopped a few years ago when our agency put in a firewall that blocked that site…but still, I can use it at home…and that is exactly what I am doing now as I write this post. I am listening to Phoebe Snow right now crooning Poetry Man. Now how appropriate is that, that I am ending this with this song playing? Serendipity? Coincidence? Nah, I’ll leave those questions for another question for Linda Hill`s Stream of consciousness prompts {wink wink}.
Tournesol dans un Jardin 