I was bored on this rainy weekend and so decided to watch a few movies on my PVR. One of the movies I watched was American Beauty. I had seen it before but somehow watching it for the 3rd or 4th time, there are scenes that hit me, you know, when you read a book 10 years later or watch a movie when you are in a different frame of mind, different phase of your life?
The part of Kevin Spacey and Annette Bening’s marriage falling apart is pretty clear. It is amazing and yet so sad, how each person is in a different space and oblivious of each other. Wife is dealing with her own issues, husband feels unloved and is bored with his life, daughter is just a typical teenager but unfortunately her parents are both not really present for their daughter…too caught up in their misery.
The part that gets to me from the start is the family next door. I feel for the son with a father so tied up with his “should” and “should nots”. Perhaps the military reinforced those “should’s” but it is sad that each person in that family is so impacted with his toxic behaviour. I had not remembered the ending…wonder why I wiped that from my memory! It just broke my heart to see that!! I guess it is that defense mechanism that I have always had that “forgets” instantly.
I really felt sad but not surprised that this military man was homophobic and again not surprised that he had homosexual desires…but to end the way it did floored me. I would have understood if he would have taken his own life but not this…
As Kevin Spacey narrates in the end, it dawned on me just how short life is and how precious it is…Nite world. Clr
Okay, so this is certainly NOT a new topic for anyone on this planet but still. I can’t get over these past 2 weeks with the prices of fuel going up and down 10 cents in the space of 2 days! Granted it would go down by Wednesday and up by Friday and down again Tuesday and the stupid blasted gouging would continue. But I would notice 5 to 7 cents but lately it is so blatantly high and then low!!
I wish they would pick ONE price for 6 months or at least for 3 months. Sheeesh!! If I had a business, I may be able to get around this a bit because I would be getting back the gst…I think I remember listening to CJAD (800 AM Montreal) a few months ago. The financial advisor was chatting during his weekly show about that.
We are such a pacific population…we bitch, whine, complain, write some letters here and there, sign petitions, blog the hog out of our systems but nothing changes. I wish I could answsers abou tthis but I do agree that I am a bit lazy and passive too Isuppose…don’t take the time to try to understand how we get screwed. Of course my rationale has been for a long time, “Well, at least we don’t have the prices they have in Europe.” But that still does not explain the constant fluctuating prices that are very annoying.
Mother’s Day is tomorrow. I was out shopping today and I could not believe how much traffic there was, how much the malls were packed with cars and I thought to myself, “Wow, there sure a lots and lots of people who sure do love their mom!” I mean, the traffic, and the stores were busy as if it was Christmas…really!!
It warmed my heart to see how busy business was on this weekend. I was spending the evening with friends who were have a Mother’s Day dinner with family as well and it was really nice to see how festive this day is…still!
Tomorrow I will be visiting my mom at the nursing home and no matter how much she has changed…this is still HER day. Mom who did so much for me and my sister and my children. Mom, who was selfless in all her actions and loved everyone with so much passion. She cannot recognize people now but her love and passion and affection still shines through…she still grips our hands when we reach out to her, she still kisses my hand and my cheeks with passion and love.
On this visit, it will be a double pleasure as I will be accompanied by my son and he too will be a witness to his grandmother’s love and passion. He too will make a difference in her day tomorrow and certainly his presence makes a huge difference in my day tomorrow as well because it is also MY day.
I know it sounds silly for someone my age…I’m a mom of 2 adults children, a grandmother and yet…going to see Mom this morning…waiting for her to wake up…like I was a kid and she would work late hours as a hairdresser back in the ’50’s…I let her sleep in because I knew she was tired. When she would wake up, she would smile …always have that look that mothers have when they adore their children…that look that said how special I was to her. It made me feel like sticking out my chubby chest (kids were considered healthy only if chubby in those days).
She would put her hands in my hair and gently minouche me under my chin…sometimes squeeze those chubby cheeks (which I liked less) and gently flutter her finger on my neck. I knew I was the best kid on the block when she did that!
This morning, she was sleeping in her chair…I was stroking her hair and forehead gently…minouching her forehead just so she could feel a faint touch…she woke up gradually and reached out her hands…touched my hand with her left hand and lifted her right hand and touched my neck ever so gently…just a tender soft minouche…her eyes appeared a little less glazed for a split second…”Awwwwww I have my mom back!” I thought to myself with a smile.
We had a nice visit…I fed her lunch and I left feeling ready to brave the world this week ’cause I had my “mommy fix”.
I need to visit Mom today. I need to feel or remember that enormous love and bond we have…had. I never question being loved when I am with Mom…EVER! Her spirit, her soul, her heart is somewhere in her body…her mind has been invaded as well, poor mom no longer has to battle Worry and Insomnia…finally she is at peace but her demon has robbed me of her enchanting presence…how I miss her quirky remarks, her contagious laugh and her soothing arms around me.
I will visit her today…I need to drift off into my imagination…just hold her hand…she still kisses my hand and my face if I approach her close enough and whisper, “Hi Mum”…she sometimes holds her breath for a split second and she kisses me and holds my hand tightly…then I know for a split second she escaped the clutches of her own demon…Dementia.
There is a cute image on Facebook with a child sitting on a tree branch and the inscription reads “Do you remember the time when we couldn’t wait to grow up? Hmm, what the hell were we thinking?” Yeah, I know eh? That just put me smack back into my youth…remembering…
It was so cool still believing in Santa Clause! It sure was nice thinking so many people in the world were nice…well, except for the people your mother may have warned you to be careful with…like strangers in cars…
Yeah, like the guy who stopped his car and opened his trunk asking my sister (8) and I (6 at the time) to help him with his spare tire. Now how weird is that?!!! My sister always being the helpful good samaritan did not hesitate to climb right into that trunk and I still remember backing away, tight lipped and a bit irritated that she was being so darn NICE…again! I did not want to help this weird old man (old is relative since at 6 anyone over 20 is OLD!).
So there my sister was in the trunk of the car, pulling and tugging at that spare tire until Mr. Riel, our friend and town taxi driver, drives right up next to the car and yells out nonchantally with a little smile…”Hey, kids, your mom was worried because you still have not come home from school.” And into the taxi we climbed; I remember feeling relieved and when we got home, our mother explained there had been complaints that a suspicious car was parked near our elementary school for the past week or so…and he wanted to steal kids and do who knows what with…{I had not clue what “who knows what” was but it felt REAL scary}.
Phew!! Were we ever saved in the nick of time!!
But we were still young and innocent…I still thought babies came from being blessed in a church in Holy Matrimony and that only promiscuous (bad girls) women had to do that other yucky thing to get a baby.
I still believed that there WAS a prince charming for me when I grew up EVEN though I did NOT look like Marilyn Monroe…but I sure daydreamed I was this curvy, sexy, platinum blonde woman with shoulder length hair and driving a fire truck RED convertible (Cadillac 1958). I kid you not!! That was my dream at 6!!…
I believed that good things happened to good people and that was that! That my grandmother would live forever and so would her dog, Princess. That my mom would look young and beautiful forever (now she looked like Bette Davis…for real!).
My heroes then were Marilyn Monroe, Fred Astaire, Judy Garland, Elvis. As I grew up my first celebrity crush was Sidney Poitier, Stevie Wonder and John Lennon; and then admired Marie Curie and Mother Teresa …I believed those cute messages the Beatles wrote to their fans and cried and screamed when I saw the Rolling Stones AND Brian Jones.{Yes, I AM that old!} Boy life was simple then!
Of course as I age, I have to admit that slowly but surely I am eliminating things in my mind and life and not sweating the small stuff as much…so I guess by the time I hit 90 I may be as naive and free spirited as a young child. Amen to that and to innocence:)
It is sunny outside…the wind is blowing and feels like a steady breeze…that’s because it is a steady southerly breeze { my favourite sailing wind because it is steady and warm}. What could a person ask for more on a Monday to start my afternoon shift?
Okay, so there are some things that MATTER for a woman to turn things into good energy. A good night’s sleep…yep; a feline friend to greet you with minoushes and head butting on my hand to pet her too…yep; it’s hair day today and all the conditioners, oils and drying just seem to work in sync…yesssiree…and you feel like a million bucks…Yes, I do!
All of the above is enough to get you to grrrrreat start…but I have more.
I get a nice warm message from one special person…and if THAT is not enough, mia cara amica, Bella is coming to town this week!!! Woot Woot!!! Que j’a hate !! per darvi grande abbraccio mia amica !!! xxx000 {if there are mistakes, you get the gist Bella, right?}
And so out the door I go, with backpack filled with dinner and warm clothes to come home late in the night…azure blue skies, sun warming my face and the wind flowing just “right” in my hair.
Work for 4 hours, then training for volunteer work another 3 hours…Rather than feel frazzled with my busy day…I feel pumped. I am pretty sure it is also because I am starting something new too. I love to learn new things, love to work my mind and when it is enhanced with compassionate work helping people in mental health miieu…It’s just like trying on a brand new pair of glasses…the lenses may be just a bit clearer…I am going to learn a little bit more and see just a bit different and enhanced. My vision will be tweaked here and there.
THAT is the beauty of training and volunteering…you learn for FREE and you can practise all this new knowledge while helping people.
A whole day off to get some errands done, relax and get pampered at the hairdresser. THAT is a luxury for me as I usually fix my hair myself and usually do a great job. Being the daughter of a hairdresser and having spent a gazillion hours in front of a mirror in my mom`s Home beauty salon, I got to try lots of things. So for me to like this hairdresser and the way she cuts and sets hair means she is DARN good!! Jess Hair2Go …actually her name is Jessica Sylvia but that would be a catchy name for a hair Salon.
Why the special pampering at my hairdresser today? I won 2 tickets to see Oprah LIVE at the Montreal Bell Centre tonight!! Woot – woot!…She is an amazing woman that I admire for her perserverance, her talent as a reporter, business woman, actor and just all amazing person and philanthropist.
+ I have never been at the Bell Centre EVER!!…it was built around the time I moved to Toronto and just never had the opportunity…so it is a big deal for me tonight. + I am going with my son who is 30 something and it`s just nice and rare that a man would accompany his mom to see OPRAH!! I am very proud of my son and love him dearly.
————————————–
Just got back and OPRAH is amazing! She is a philosopher of some sort now and shares messages that are quite closely related to finding our purpose…lots of things of which I have been blogging about and thinking very profoundly. So what does that say to me? That tells me that I am right smack where I should be in my life…this lecture tonight just reaffirmed all that I have been exploring and aming form.
So be it…it was an amazing evening and so nice to share with my son:)
Another soul destroyed, another heart broken and alas, a life is lost. Rehtaeh Parsons took her life this week… The tragedy in Nova Scotia has surely hit the hearts of most people in the country and with the media as well as all over the world. My heart goes out to the Parsons’family and the community. I have no doubt that everywhere, mothers, fathers, grandparents, siblings, youths and adults all grieve this terrible loss.
I think of the students at school and the mixed emotions that fill them. How do they handle this? A tragic death…a person living with so much despair, takes her life not knowing what else to do to ease the plague that besieged her…the hell she must have been living.
Everyone is impacted by this tragedy and as a society we are all implicated in some way…how do we react to sexual assault? Not enough legal proof? Okay, so why do we as a society look for ONLY authorities to weigh this? As parents, as part of the community, as schools, as friends of friends of friends who know what happened…why can’t we try to teach our youths? What about those who taunt, tease and harass to the point of pushing a person to utter despair? How can we teach these persons that this type of “bullying” is pure torture they are enforcing on a peer?
I am not just talking about consequences; many youths will be living with a huge burden the rest of their lives that I would not wish on anyone…ever. I am talking about how do we respond to our youths’ who are exploring life but still need guidance? How do we teach them right from wrong so they can “get it”…the moral and ethical meaning? How do we help them tap into their consciences/soul and act with respect and concern for others?
Grief brings up lots of difficult emotions such as shock, denial, sadness, anger, guilt, confusion to name a few but I think anger is one that is quick to follow a person around and swaddle their mind, squeeze their heart and fill their soul. Some will be lashing out at anyone or anything as one tries to come to terms with what they are dealing … a tragic loss. Sometimes anger is easier to endure…it is loud and active. It is letting out the pain rather than drowning in sorrow. In order to put aside feelings of powerlessness, better to feel the energy (although negative) of anger. And so for many persons, anger will be their ally …it may be their way of trying to drudge through this long difficult grieving journey, jumping hoops to avoid the pain of sadness and guilt.
My heart and prayers go out to the family and to those inflicted with this terrible unrest.
If you know of a youth who needs help…let him/her know there IS help…reach out to this person, offer your ear, call a trusted adult to help him/her…if in doubt…call Kids Help Phone at 1-800-668-6868 or check their website http://kidshelpphone.cahttp://jeunessejecoute.ca for information; they offer counselling on Live Chat as well and you can even download their App Always There /Toujours a l’Ecoute. Sometimes it can be easier to talk to a professional in an anonymous setting…it’s a start.
Remember that suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary (however long that may appear or feel) problem. There is help…
April 3rd and it IS still so cold!! What is up?!! I do have a theory. You see, me thinks that Mother Nature got dumped by her lover and is not in a happy place right now. So she’s put that loving, warm, fuzzy springtime feeling often associated with warmer weather…on hold.
But despite Mother Nature’s attitude, Spring IS in the air. However, I seem to feel lots of different vibes these days…people seem to be have some type of excitement mounting within their souls…they seem to be more active…moving more…they seem to be looking forward to GO OUT AND PLAY…see the sun….to warm their bodies by the sun and breathe nature’s golden rays.
Even children and teens seem to be distracted by the shifting of the planet. They can’t concentrate on their studies, seem to be finding themselves daydreaming more and are a bit worried about their school marks. Little children are walking with passion in those huge puddles…because it’s FUN!! What IS going on?!!
It’s only Spring Fever, folks. Who the heck knows what cosmic plan there is…it just is. I remember feeling this as long as I can remember. When I was skipping rope on the school playground;
playing marbles with boys in my grade and winning!! ;
crushing on the boy sitting next to me and exchanging love notes in Grade 4! Yep, and his name was Kevin!! Riding my bike feeling so cool with my hands up in the air…not EVEN falling!! As a teenager and writing my and “his” initials in my notebook over and over and over. Yep, it’s just a weird time of year. I suppose I could have researched a bit more before writing this blog but you know what? I don’t care about the why!…all I know is that it is a time of year that is grrrrrrrrrrrreat! If you are single, well, you have hopes and dreams and lots and lots of daydreams. No problem there!
If you are in a relationship, perhaps you and your partner are a little more affectionate and silly. If you are in a relationship where you have more or less given up on the magic…get back to that imagination or daydream of someone else. It can be a celebrity or someone
you have admired and sort of crushed on for years…so what!!! It’s just in your head anyways…it is a fleeting moment here and there and it does not hurt anyone but it can sure make you feel fine.:)
So despite the cold temperatures, stay strong…it will change soon enough and in the meantime the temperature surely has risen in the hearts and souls of most people. Right? 😀
Happy Springtime, everyone and Mother Nature…get with it…we are still going to be dazed and confused cold or warm weather…here is to lovely dreams and for others amazing realities.
Le printemps est dans l’air et je ne fais pas référence juste du mois d’avril…c’est encore très froid mais il me semble que je ressens beaucoup de choses vibrer dans l’air ces temps-si…les gens sont excité…ils bougent plus…ils ont tellement hâte de sortir dehors…de voir le soleil…de réchauffer leurs corps avec les rayons du soleil.
Les jeunes sont distrait un peu…dès qu’il fait beau ils ont de la difficulté à se concentré sur leurs études. Les jeunes cherchent du soutien pour apprendre à mieux gérer leur temps car les notes de cours baissent un peu…c’est quoi tout ça? C’est le début du printemps…et c’est la nature et le cœur et le corps qui ont besoin de se nourrir de nouvelles expériences…activités, connaissances, amour et relations humaines.
Les tulipes bourgeonnent et nous sentons une tension quasiment électrique dans l’aire…la fièvre du printemps. Vous en croyez aussi? Moi, oh que oui!
Je m’en souviens de jouer au billes avec les gars de ma classe (et que je les nettoyais!!); sauter à la corde à sauter; rêver du gars assis en face dans ma classe, échanger des notes d’amour en quatrième année…eh, oui, et il s’appelait, Kevin! Me promener en vélo avec mes bras en l’air, SANS tomber…je me pensais tellement cool!
À l’adolescence, écrire et réécrire mes initiaux à côté des ceux de « lui » sur la couverture de mon calepin…des petits tours de scooter à Bedford et moto à Eastman…wow, je me sentais cool.
Ceux qui sont en couple, bien, ils agissent un peu cocasses; les couples qui ont perdu leur magie, alors rêver un peu d’un grand célébré, le mari d’un autre, hihihi…ce n’est pas grave, c’est dans VOTRE imagination!! Ce sont des moments ici et là en passant…des instances de rêverie de l’amour qui fait vibrer le cœur, le corps et l’âme.
J’ai une théorie pour le climat hors saisonnier ces temps-si…la Mère Nature vis surement une rupture de couple…hélas pour elle, sauf malgré tout ça la planète fait son rituel …elle agit sur les sentiments et les comportements des gens…la température remonte pareille dans le cœur et dans l’âme des gens…pas vraie?! 😀
Bon Printemps tout le monde et la Mère Nature, arrive donc en ville!…nous allons quand même nous rendre dans nos
Caroline Michaud Photographie
états dérouté et rêveur…eh oui, vive les jolies rêves et pour d’autres des réalités féeriques!
I was bored on this rainy weekend and so decided to watch a few movies on my PVR. One of the movies I watched was American Beauty. I had seen it before but somehow watching it for the 3rd or 4th time, there are scenes that hit me, you know, when you read a book 10 years later or watch a movie when you are in a different frame of mind, different phase of your life?
Tournesol dans un Jardin 
