When I was very young before I even went to school, I remember making a space in my bed for my guardian angel.  I just believed there was someone special because my mother told me so. Those were years when it was quite turbulent at home with my father when he was inebriated.  I believe moving over in bed to keep that space available for my angel made me feel safe.

When I was six my GrandPapa died.  I have spoken many times about my maternal grandfather. I was living with him the year he was dying.  After he died, I never made room in my bed for my guardian angel for I always believed GrandPapa was always with me.  I would cram for exams at the last minute too many times and just before the test, I would ask my grandfather to help me remember the answers. All through elementary school, I would close my eyes at difficult questions and see the spot on the page in my science , history or geography book…I believed GrandPapa sent me cheat sheets because so many times I did not study enough in those earlier years.

When there was thunder and lightening, I was always very scared. GrandMaman would be so calm and look out the window at the lightening.  She would comfort me by telling me that GrandPapa was bowling up in heaven and that was the sound of the thunder.  He was playing for money, she said, which he would send her.  Perhaps she was trying to explain that her widow’s pension came from him.

I have a fan club up in heaven now, with many other relatives. But I always feel my grandfather is looking out for me and still pray or chant visualizing the face of my grandfather.

child in the night
felt a nudge and made room,
guardian angel

snow kissed cheek
wind whispers his presence
guardian angel

message from heaven
first snow covers the ground
guardian angel

© Tournesol ’14

Carpe Diem