Do you see what I feel?

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Do You See What I Feel by Dana Harrell-Sanders

When I talked about you last night

it was just to write a verse.

It was fiction. No big deal! alright?

 

Why the constant striking

must there be so much throbbing

with such vengeance my way?

I was only kidding yesterday.

 

I didn’t mean anything by the poetry.

Please remove the heavy artillery!

Lower the mega equipment

Please take out the iron fists

that push, pound and torment,

beating incessantly

invoking indignation

imposing impatiently

seeking retribution

but for what?!

 

Have some compassion

let’s call it a truce

give me a meagre portion

of amnesty

please believe

I’ll never complain…

grant me some reprieve

to relieve this pain.

cease this unremitting beating

nonstop on this poor form of ail

it hurts just to breathe

I wince when I inhale

my plea is humble and pure

Please, please, JUST stop!

© Cheryl-Lynn 2014/02/10

Le `tit vieux du Manoir Merveilleux

Source: Pinterest

#FWF Free Write Friday: Image Prompt

Season 2, Week 6, Dungeon Prompts this week, Purpose and the Art of Holding Back 

Le `tit vieux du Château Merveilleux
Le `Tit vieux était si mal compris et sérieux
allons voir ce qui se passe dans son milieux
Ah! vous ne saviez pas qu’il était si généreux.
Écoutez! voici une histoire d’un homme merveilleux
Je vais vous présenter monsieur Elphège Vielleux.

*************

Maître  Elphège Veilleux died suddenly. He was a recently retired corporate lawyer. The village were mourning such a generous and wise man. He was only sixty-two.  They say he had an aneurism. That is supposed to be quick death…not too much suffering except, of course, for the survivors. What a shock! Such sadness and harrowing grief due to this unexpected ending!

A few days following the funeral,  Notaire Bergeron requested the presence of Iréné Veilleux,  the only son of Elphège. He was 33 years old and still never worked a day in his life. He had been kicked out of 5 private schools, 2 universities and had been in and out of 8 detox centres.  He was currently trying to fight the battle with his heroin addiction.  He thought to himself, if he can settle his father`s estate soon enough, he had good intentions to get into a private clinic in Magog, La Façon d’être.  He had spoken to his father about this last month. “If only he were still alive to see him succeed…IF only he could this time.”

The appointment of the reading of his father`s will was two o`clock and Iréné arrived just a few minutes early.  The receptionist offered him a cup of coffee and led him to the board room. Iréné was confused. “Why must the meeting be in such a big room when he was the only beneficiary?”

He took a place near the head of the long oval cherry wood table. He heard people arriving at the front of the office and looked towards the mahogany doors curiously.  The double doors opened and he was surprised to see so many people in the waiting room.

Madame Champagne, the village librarian, monsieur Desrosier, the accountant, mademoiselle  Gagnon, the head nurse at La Maison Renaud and monsieur Pierre Antoine Colbert but everyone called him PaCo, the former groundskeeper of Elphège Veilleux`s estate. He lived in the cottage behind le manoir.  Iréné was a bit surprised to see PaCo arrive.  He was in his late fifties but he had not aged well; arthritis had ravaged his body.  He had been with Elphège since he was a child. His mother was Elphège`s gouvernante and raised PaCo in the old carriage house.  There had always been an understanding that Paco could stay in his humble but comfortable loft for as long as he wished.  He was a bit of an enigma to most here.  No one knew where he went every afternoon returning at twilight.

His stride was shaky, shuffling towards the nearest chair, he was the first seated and the others all took a seat.  Monsieur le notaire took his place and advised he had very little to say, “Monsieur Veilleux has recorded his last Will and Testament on this video, a copy is in all your envelopes along with necessary supporting documents as well.  Allons-y…”

The video commenced: Monsieur Veilleux is seated in the carriage house in an overstuffed arm chair…

“Bonjour mes chers amis…mon fils, Iréné. Comme vous voyez…I am a humble man.  I was born in a privileged environment with little needs but those who know me well, I have always worked hard. I love this village and if you are viewing this video, I have already taken off to new territories; hopefully I will be joining ma belle et douce Alys; perhaps I will also meet with maman et papa  who taught me to respect nature and human dignity. I have tried to do both.  The orchard is not as vibrant as it was but it has managed well enough to offer work to many in the village.  For that I am pleased.

During the ice storm several years ago, I was fortunate enough having 3 generators and welcomed many of you wonderful people in my home.  What a learning experience mother nature offered me.   That entire month co-habitating under difficult climatic circumstances was a turning point for me. You were privileged in one sense, being in college outside the triangle that got hit from this ice storm.  I had forged closer relations with some of you who are here today.  For that I thank you. Merci mes chers amis…you have blessed me with a gift that is priceless …the gift of purpose.

Voici, mon cher fils, I want to offer you this wonderful opportunity…you have no idea how enrichissant it feels to have such a blessing and here is my offering to you with love and hope that you grow with this dowry.

Iréné, you have struggled since the death of Alys, ta charmante maman; you were so young.  A boy at eleven still needs the love and comfort of sa maman. Since then you left me, your family, your friends and followed your own path and got lost along the way. I only hope you are here, present, as my friends are viewing this last discourse I share with you.

Sometimes when a person is lost in obscurity he finds himself in the clutches of des esprits douteux.  For you, it has been the spirits of the mind that robbed your will. You did not know that addiction was the poison of your forefathers.  Alas, yes, and this poisonous concoction disguised as a healing cocktail turns into a possessive demon…who robbed me of my son and deprived you of living.  I know you have suffered and still ache, mon fils.

I am turning le Manoir Merveilleux into a halfway house for men and women recovering from addiction.  I have more space than I have ever required and since the ice storm I have been exploring opportunities to develop my purpose in the days remaining in my life. I have visited Le Virage and la Maison Foster and mademoiselle Gagnon has helped me in this research, educated me more on the wrath of addictions and the long rehabilitation required to remain sober.  I never realized how difficult this could be. I always assumed you did not have enough willpower or that I had spoiled you too much and somehow I had enabled you.  Pardonne-moi, mon fils, I was so ignorant.

I learned that many font des rechutes, relapses as well. So I asked my friends to explore this more for me. Madame Champagne headed the research.  We found that when a person who had the support of loving friends and family,  had more chances in succeeding but what seemed to be a stronger influence was having a sense of purpose.  The strongest motivator seemed to be purpose…un raison d’être was key to maintaining sobriety.  Perhaps it is not the only source of success but I am willing to wager it may be what the doctor ordered for you, mon fils.

Paco will be the Clinical Director.

Iréné gasped and almost spilled his coffee on his lap. The villagers listened but did not seem as shocked by this announcement.  Paco lowered his eyes and stared at his hands waiting for his childhood friend to finish his discourse. He was saddened by this great loss…a brother in so many ways and his confidant.

“Paco has a PhD in psychology as you may not have known and has been the psychologist at the Cowansville Correctional Insititute for the past 25 years working the evening shift;  in 1998 I asked him if he would consider getting his certification in addictions and I am pleased he seemed as interested in this field of study as I did.

Paco is a humble man, Iréné. Do not judge him by his modest living and scruffy attire. He wears the same outdoor garb when chopping wood or raking the leaves, that belonged to his father who died not long after your mother passed.    He says it brings him closer to his father`s spirit.  He maintains the grounds at his insistence for he says it frees his spirit and feeds his mind. We already have students who come regularly to maintain the grounds who are part of another programme I have set up for aspiring college students. When they complete their high school, I will cover their tuition fees IF they succeed in their studies for a total of 6 years. Education is a free pass to life, my son.

Paco has always lived in the carriage house where he was raised and it is with great humility he accepted to take his place in le Manoir.  The carriage house is being refurbished and all latest digital instruments helpful in pursing post-secondary studies will be installed along with updated furnishings.  This will be your new home, Iréné, once you return from La Façon d’être. I am hoping you will try one more time…giving sobriety a chance.

When you return, you will have access to an addiction counsellor and group support in le Manoir anytime.  You will be given a list of chores you are required to do as all the residents do at this new halfway house.  Once you have completed your term here, you will have access to the carriage house as your new home for as long as you wish.   I have set aside funding for you to eventually return to academia.  The mind is a precious gift one must not waste…you are privileged in so many ways, mon fils. I hope you will benefit from this opportunity.

I have one stipulation for you, mon fils, if you wish to continue receiving the monthly allowance from your trust fund, you must volunteer a minimum of 10 hours a month in a non-profit agency that offers support to children, youths, men, women or  families in need. Once you find your “calling” PaCo and mademoiselle Gagnon must approve the organization and will be your advisor/mentor along this rich journey.

I will always be with you, mon fils, in love and spirit.”

© Cheryl-Lynn, 2014/02/08

**********************************************

I started writing a story about this prompted image and along the way another prompt from Dungeon Prompts this week, Purpose and the Art of Holding Back  was on my mind and it slipped into the theme of this story.  I thought to myself, Well, that is sort of cheating, isn’t it?  But I don’t write many narratives or poems on this blog and I thought this would be an appropriate contribution. I hope you enjoyed it, Cheryl-Lynn.

Slumber’s Guest

Angels-13

Can’t wait to get to sleep
dream, dream and unwind
this time when I wake up
will look forward, try to find
in the middle of the night
I won’t reach for my phone
checking time left for rest
rather write down a few words
try recalling at my best
conjure up from my dreams
slumber’s much delightful guest,
stories telling what I deem
excellent stories…fantasies
just amazing tales to keep
every night in my sleep…

Yep, can’t wait to slip away
and see the stories unfold
all night long imagining
stories needing to be told.

I adore some of my dreams
love to wander, float away…
on a dreamlike getaway
like a nomad that will stray
journeys most internally
learning more just how …to be,
letting go finally
finding space to just… BE.

© Cheryl-Lynn, 2014/01/31

Wonders of my life

Photo: Cheryl-Lynn Dec 2013, Montreal
Photo: Cheryl-Lynn Dec 2013, Montreal

The first snowfall
every year
brings the child
in me so near.

When a rainbow
tails the rain
makes me gasp
just can’t refrain.

My first crush
I still remember
and it still
gives me a rush;

My first kiss
from my true love
memories of erotic bliss
how I fail to forget,
my first pleasures
of the flesh
warms my skin
as I still blush.

The first stirrings
in my womb
makes my heart
flip and flop
feeling joy
wrapped with wonder;
baby boy
in my arms
suckling on my breast,
baby girl
in my embrace
next to my son
who’s grown so much
such a wonder…all of this!

soaking up those first smiles,
first words, first steps,
sheer wonder all of this
absolutely total bliss!

Rediscovering nature
in its delight
through the eyes
of my children
giving me a second chance
to embrace life again,
showing reverence
to Mother Earth.

Then the splendor
music offers
making magic
my son plays
on those bronze
copper strings;
watch in wonder;
when daughter
sings soprano
like an angle
in her choir
feel in awe
every  hour.

Watch the birth
of my grandson
cut the cord of life as well
how my heart OH! did it swell!
wept with joy
to see this boy.

Every sunset…
every dawn
brings such wonder
so serene
I’ve been blessed
ten thousand times
and still counting
I’m so thankful
such sheer wonders
I have seen.

 

© Cheryl-Lynn, January 27, 2014

Prompt 40, Sheer Wonder

There is hope

deadlygothicdesigns.webs.com
deadlygothicdesigns.webs.com

Despair became her friend
sadness wrapped her like a blanket
Drinking, harming her new trend;
death seemed like her only target,
woke up mornings and saw grey
looked outside and just saw clouds
Praying, hoping was her way
now the pain just screamed too loud.
had no clue that there was hope
there are people who assist
teaching different ways to cope
seeing lifelines on a list
she decides, give life a try
called a youth line late one night
realized she needn’t die
Gave life a chance, saw the light.
Sure am glad she called that night.

Don’t give up when times are bleak
Talk to someone soon this week;
if you’re scared, check a helpline
they may become your true lifeline!
They’re always open, day and night
They never close…so call, alright?

*

Check for further resources at Stop the Stigma

*

© Cheryl-Lynn, January 18, 2014

&

On January 28, let’s talk.
Bell will donate 5¢ more to mental health initiatives for every:

Text message sent*
Mobile and long distance call made*
Tweet using #BellLetsTalk
Facebook share of our Bell Let’s Talk image

*By a Bell or Bell Aliant customer only

Don’t forget, January 28th, to share those Tweets and Facebook shares will donate 5 cents…so share, share, share and so folks  talk about mental health to remove the stigma so more people, youths and adults will get help.

My Verse – reunified

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My Verse

(Tanka)

Reunified me,
An old flame gleamed from afar.
WE are glowing now.
 Writing, reading, speaking, bliss
Poetry blew me a kiss.

© Cheryl-Lynn Roberts, 2014/01/17

Prompt for FreeWriteFriday

#FWF Free Write Friday: O me! O life!

Compassion heals Pain

Cropped Photo: Mural street art - Montréal, October 2013 Cheryl-Lynn Roberts

Cropped Photo: Mural street art – Montréal, October 2013  © Cheryl-Lynn Roberts

Pain has become my best friend forever
that actually makes me feel alive…
without it?
I’m not sure I would survive.

Acceptance is the magic key
prognosis of a puzzling condition
he who has a medical degree
diagnosed a painful affliction.

But rather than sink into despair
I simply trudge on anywhere
and work with passion at my career
filled with compassion that is so dear
and knowing that my fate is clear
destined to help,  soothe a hurt soul
I  feel blessed fulfilling this role.

Nothing better than to give…
listen, care, help them  forgive
yet not regress but
live again
and moving on, learn to let go
of their past hurts and childhood pain.

To feel a physical pain inside
simply confirms that I’m alive.
And when I think of those who stride
war and poverty, still survive;
how dare that I consume self-pity
and whimper meagre aches and pains
when those who suffer ‘round the world
of hunger, rape …do they complain?
They only ask for peace … petty portions
of cease-fire, gain some liberation
and tranquil minds, and scanty rations
what so often we take for granted.

Pain has become my best friend
that actually makes me feel alive
without it?
I’m not sure I would survive.

I feel so humbled to assist
these youths who suffer silently
and reach out to us for a list
of ways to live positively.

And then I try to instill hope
that will in time conquer despair
and offer skills to help them cope
until they learn to truly care
and turn their life ‘round for repair.

I feel so humbled to assist
these youths who suffer silently
and reach out to us for a list
of ways to live positively.

© Cheryl-Lynn Roberts, January 5, 2014

Poetry share, prompt 37 for MindLoveMisery – Unavoidable Pain 

Interpretations differ of Dec.24th

st nicholas

Photo credits: Wikipedia Images

(Tanka)

Christmas Eve joy 

Hosting my loved ones

We eat, drink, giggle a lot

mostly we just love.

Snow falling, blessing the earth

Kids awaiting ol’  Saint Nic.

Baby Jesus Christmas Nativity

Photo credits: Baby Jesus Christmas Nativity

(Haiku)

Christmas Eve – hallowed

Midnight mass we pray.

Celebrate the birth of Christ

Rejoice in our prayers.

© Cheryl-Lynn Roberts, January 3, 2013

Better late than never, having been away for the holidays. This is in response to Prompt, 006 Wedrinkinspiration

Exploiting for ratings!

me sideways

This man has a degree,
of a higher level decree
yet he’s slipped in the arms of fame
money may also have been his claim.

How does one get caught in such games
and losing integrity for a bit of cash
to show melodrama and T.V. trash
exploiting the pain and suffering
of people who are actually struggling?

They are all human interest shows
but must they always air their woes
in front of a huge live audience?
on occasion there’s no public appearance
just the camera and this host with a Ph.D.
Global home viewers don’t count as a presence?
I find his approach an atrocity
he makes a long process look way too easy
when we all know counselling is a long journey.

He may give the impression of informing
or a pretense of educating?
Well, I beg to differ.
why exploit those who suffer?
that’s what I see when pain is publicized
this exploitation is really insulting
and it should be criticized
rather than be glorified.

So that’s me diffusing, my heart spills
after watching a few minutes of Dr. Phil.

© Cheryl-Lynn Roberts

This is just my opinion on some exploiting the suffering of folks; On Christmas Day an old September episode of Dr. Phil interviewing a grieving mother was aired.   He went through details of the last moments she spoke with her daughter as she took her life. 10 minutes of this was enough for me to change channel but I felt sad 1) for having this poor mother feel her guilt, as if it was not bad enough  for her to process the grief she was living 2) for showing such an episode on Christmas Day when there are so many vulnerable and suffering on this day. So I decided to voice my frustrations on shows like this.   Cheryl-Lynn

Can’t wait ’til I see you!

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Posted to WordPress from my Android, Cheryl-Lynn Roberts

Can’t wait ‘til I see you!

 

Rushing and shoveling and shopping too

will I ever get there in time for you?

I’m counting the days, the nights too

can’t wait ‘til Christmas Eve when I’ll see you.

 

I’m cleaning, sorting and dusting too

Want my home to look nice for all of you

I’ll make Grand-Maman’s dressing that tastes so fine

and also candied yams prepared with you in mind.

 

If ever you try to make the same some day

remember I have a secret that comes to play

it may seem a mystery for you anyway

it’s simple really,  I have to say

just whisper some loving over your food and see

it will turn any cooking into a delicacy.

Love,

Mom

Nana

Cheryl-Lynn

me sideways© Cheryl-Lynn Roberts, December 21, 2013