Secrets of Despair – 2

cropped-stigma-photos-mental-health2

Bless me, Father,

my last confession was many years ago

forgive me for I have sinned

I have betrayed my ********

in so many ways I am chagrined

I have abused his/her trust

manipulated and exploited her/him

I transgressed beyond Satan’s expectation

I do not deserve to receive absolution

Forgive me Father

I must pay for my sins

help me be a better father.

Amen.

© Cheryl-Lynn, 2014/03/14

Secrets of despair

Photo credits: Souzacartonist

She listens with benevolence

the stories never told

of shame and guilt and violence

those tales so raw and bold.

A pause ensues, she hears a sigh

despite attempts to offer hope

they still may cry

the tears offer relief

some tales are just too hard to bear

she hears them in their grief;

the hardest tale of all to share

are secrets found in dark despair

forbidden truths,

unmasking lies

she holds their secrets in her heart

a first step they shall make in part

exploring some of their options,

tomorrow is another day

and she’ll be there to hear their say.

© Cheryl-Lynn, 2014/03/14

Written for: The Seeker’s Dungeon, Season 2, Week 11. Check out other offerings as well as last week’s.

Dear Driver,

I know it’s still winter and we should be expecting snow, storms and even blizzards.  But…and there is always a but, by this time of year, it is difficult to be as wise, preventative and proactive.  We get two or three days of wishful springtime weather and then BAM, it snows but it is that heavy, sticky melting kind…so warmer outerwear is not quite necessary.  That was on Sunday and Monday.  It was welcomed as we know it is what helps the maple trees create that lovely sweet liquid…that sap will run all night with this weather. So we embrace it …sort of.

For some odd reason, this morning I decided to throw in my neck warmer, my pilot warm hat and warm felt mittens into my backpack.  I noticed it was snowing and it did not appear to be that sticky melting type of whiteness.  Of course I weighted it down with a good umbrella incase the snow turned to heavy wet snow or even rain…you just never know.

Tonight I went out for a later dinner…I had to get some fresh air. It is healthy to walk when you have a sedentary job but it is also mentally therapeutic and healing.  So warm hat, mittens and neck warmer I wear  and out I go.  Cars are driving slowly, expecting pedestrians to run on amber lights and could slip and fall, so they wait almost patiently, it seems.

Several hours later, leaving at the end of my shift, I could not see a foot path on the sidewalk…the snow drifts were so high, I had no choice but walk on the street…my back to oncoming traffic since it is a one way. Cars passed slowly, not ONE honked or skidded to avoid me…they kept to their left and rode by slowly…Nice!

But the attitude off the island…away from the big city and on the south shore, in the suburbs something happened to some driver’s’ brains!  Driving their SUV’s or other wheels…sheesh!!…patience car person!!  While you impatiently want to cross that cross walk where travelers have just stepped off the bus, you are in a warm vehicle…the walkers are facing cold weather, strong winds…having a difficult time to keep their head up as the pinching, freezing snow is burning their cheeks, blinding their eyes…so patience while we just get out of your way…okay?

© Chery-Lynn, 2014/03/12

Winter Storm hits Montreal and much of Quebec, guess I won’t be visiting the Eastern Townships for a few days.

Photo credits: CBC

Another Little Ditty

quiall's avatarButterfly Sand

Mar 12 2014 014

ANOTHER LITTLE DITTY

I’M TOLD IT SHOULD BE TRUE

TO STOP WOULD BE A PITY

THE THOUGHTS THEY MUST BE NEW

I’LL NEED A LITTLE TIME

TO FIND THE WORDS TO FIT

FIRST OF COURSE THERE IS THE RHYME

AND NEXT A LITTLE WIT

BUT MORE I THINK IS NEEDED HERE

THAN JUST A PHRASE OR TWO

A LITTLE FUN, A LITTLE CHEER

TODAY THAT’S ALL TOO FEW

SO THAT’S THE WAY I’LL WRITE THIS ONE

I’LL DO THE BEST I CAN

WHEN ALL IS SAID AND ALL IS DONE

THAT ALWAYS IS THE PLAN

WELL THEN I GAVE IT MY BEST SHOT

YOU CANNOT SAY I LIED

EVEN THOUGH I NEVER FOUGHT

AT LEAST THEY’LL SAY I TRIED.

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On my way to work (haibun)

March 11th 2014 sunny walk to work, CLR
March 11th 2014 sunny walk to work, CLR

On my way to work today sitting on the bus I decided to put in my ear buds.  I do that sometimes to block out the noise, chit chat and drift off to my singer, my choice today Damien Rice – 9 Crimes. Today I did not turn on the music right away.  I observed the people on the bus.  The girls on either side of me were reading messages on their phones and listening to music. Perhaps they were pretending as I was…who knows?  Then the girl across from me was reading her phone.  The man next to her was scrolling on the face of his phone…perhaps reading an article, the news or a book.

An older woman (older than me, so that would be close to 70ish); The girl across from me stared at her and looked around…I supposed (I’m guessing) she was hoping someone would give her a seat…but she never offered or even shifted in her seat to show any signs she would. I was about to give her my seat but I noticed she was walking with a purpose and I looked at the far end of the bus and there were a few free seats way at the back, so I waited.

The woman continued on her quest towards the back of the bus, walking slowly, cautiously…no one lifted from their seats…she went up the 2 steps to get to the far back. I could tell she had seen a few free seats. And she sat down at the last row. Many do not go that far because of the steps.  She did.

When we get on at the front of the bus there are about 6 seats assigned for older passengers, persons with disabilities, pregnant women and parents with a baby carriage.  Rarely have I seen people giving up that seat to people who should have it. In fact even the parent with a carriage, the bus driver will have to bark out orders for passengers to give their spot that has been designated to this person.  As for the other designated passengers, even the bus driver does not intervene.  I wonder about that sometimes. If I am seated on any of those seats, I always give my spot or offer it but it disappoints me to see that many younger people do not.

Well, the purpose of this post was really to say that I was window shopping…I mean stranger gazing.  In the entire bus and it is a long double bus …you know with an accordion attaching the equivalence of a half a bus.  At the centre is a circle where passengers can stand and turn…wiiiiii with the bus when it does make turns. I only saw one couple at the centre, standing and chatting.  They looked in their early to mid-twenties.  Guy was trying to impress gal with his knowledge of bus schedules as it appeared to be gal’s first time taking this bus to get downtown.  It was interesting observing the body language.  If I were working on a research project in anthropology, I would say they were flirting.  Ah, March love affairs and the approach of Springtime…I sighed a bit thinking about this.  There is something so powerful about this time of year that seems to stir the heart.

Everyone else on the bus was either reading a book, reading or staring at their phones or had their eyes closed.  What did we do when we did not have screens to stare at? And even if we had music to listen to, did we not see, observe, and notice humanity?  Did we not witness human kindness?  I do think we still do but it may be a bit more difficult to see.  Thank goodness there is a kindness blog  I like to follow that allows me to see how wonderful we still are, and I weep happy tears at the kindness of people.

I have to say that my bus trip in the city yesterday was so much different.  I was seated next to young man with long hair; he was placing his guitar next to him and his backpack under his seat. I had suggested he use the front shelf behind the bus driver for his bag so it wouldn’t get all wet.  And we then chatted all the way to the city. He had an amazing life, coming from a small town in Northern Ontario, travelled to Vancouver a lot and would be spending the summer there with his girlfriend.  We talked about Hastings Street and I mentioned I had driven by there once and had not particularly been shocked and he said he lived on the streets by choice for several years.  I was so pleased talking with him. It was like talking to a caller I may have spoken to on our phone lines, who knows but I felt a nice connection and it really boosted my day. A great way to start my shift.

Unlike today but my walk in the glorious March sunshine, I walked slower to allow the air to wrap me with its loving Spring essence and even took a few shots for prosperity.

© Cheryl-Lynn, 2014/03/11

March 11th 2014 Hmmm maybe he could add easter eggs to this decor
March 11th 2014
Hmmm maybe he could add easter eggs to this decor

(Haiku)    

Long drawn out  winters.

forgotten decorations

Will Spring ever come?

Inspired by Strangers People Watching

Relief

 

Plunging toes
in salty liquid
steam doth rose
from scalding heat,
soaking like a marinade
softens like a serenade
bathed in salted water
feeling such a deepened shift
startled, winded
from this swift
ache amended
gasps for air,
heart is seized
moments concede
tears that seep
and wet her cheek
clean,
saline,
cleanse her face
bathing eyes,
panes of the soul
halts the throb
her aching dole.

© Cheryl-Lynn

Photo credits: 10 Healing and Detox Baths for Chronic Pain

Sludge the grudge

Photo credits: Edu Designgs

 

 

Bitterness and loathing

clung to her every fibre

he broke her heart

she played the part

of victim, and a martyr.

the sighing and the heaving

was part of her own grieving,

her daughters saw her sing

the same song every single year

melancholy, they did hear.

the sadness and the guilt

clung to them like a lilt

they felt her pain

yet all in vain

not theirs for them to feign.

Eventually her heart

was about to come apart

and surgeries and medicine

could never heal her heart

and years went by still grudging

depression stayed with her

until she lost her mind.

So many years of loathing

this grudge one of a kind;

you never win

with such a sin

resentment

and such bitterness

will suck your life away.

so if you find benevolence

forgiveness and compassion

do please allow this kindness

to heal and give relief

for rancor and such bitterness

will only cause you grief.

© Cheryl-Lynn, 2014/03/11 Written for: Mindlovemisery, Prompt 46, Bitter Loathing

Sick scents (haiku)

Fragrant scents for one

tastes like soap bar in my mouth

keep your smell at home!

******

Just venting on scents

hostile attack to my snout

fresh air remedy.

© Cheryl-Lynn, 2014/03/11

What’s a poem?

what’s a poem
but words looped
together,
some may rhyme
others
may not
but ultimately
all drawn
from the soul
aching thoughts
pensive moods
sheer mastery
of poetic prose.

© Cheryl-Lynn, 2014/03/10

Written for: All in a word

Spinach Fattoush with Zaatar, a Salad with Middle Eastern Flavors : Recipe with lot of options.

Mouth watering “healthy” food…