I realize at my age it may sound silly to say I am an orphan but when your last parent dies,  that is what we are regardless of our age. My father passed in 2004 and  I am without my mother since December 2014; however,  fate had it that I would never have to feel alone. After a year of writing poetry and blogging, I first heard of a very special and divine person through a writer in India, Sreejit Poole from TheSeekersDungeon who introduced me to his mother, Karuna Poole from LivingLearningAndLettingGo, who in turn told me about this famous Guru.   In the summer of 2014 I met this auspicious person who truly made me feel at peace.  This was five months before my mother passed.

Last week,  I traveled thousands of miles to  gather among devotees for a three-day retreat.  It was more than meditating at dawn; it was more than yoga stretches and poses.  It included waiting patiently for Amma’s Darshan, however in Sanskrit, this may mean an “auspicious sight”,  it was even more than merely bowing in the divine presence of Divine Mother, Mata Amritanandamayi who is known more as Amma (Mother). She is also known as the “hugging saint” and yes, she actually hugs each devotee who waits in line for her embrace, whether there are a hundreds waiting or thousands.  This selfless act of love and compassion, she offers to people all over the world.  I was fortunate to see Amma on her last North American Tour of 2016 before she returned to India.

(troiku) 

chants surround me
on bended knees
safe in Her embrace

love surrounds me
spirit lifting
with devotion

on bended knees
no longer an orphan
in Amma’s arms

safe in Her embrace
heeding  words
whispered in my ear

©Tournesol’16/15/04

I found this music video sung by my favourite persons chanting mantras Deva Premal & Miten fit perfectly with this experience.

Amma – In The Light Of Love – Deva Premal & Miten

The first day of the retreat, I hesitated to kneel and was given a seat to receive Amma’s hug but the following days, I insisted on kneeling, telling myself, I can endure the pain for a few moments.  I had managed to concentrate on several weaknesses of my body during this retreat. 

For example,after responding to the 1000 names of The Divine Mother, we were led into a short silent meditation. The first day I had to use my inhaler to control my coughing but by the third day, I kept visualizing Amma’s face and telling myself, I can control my breathing if I slow it down, I will not be inclined to cough and it worked each time we meditated.  I learned to control the depth of my OM as well.  It was softer but by controlling the level of my voice, I was able to follow along respecting my limitations. 

It may seem like a minor accomplishment but for me it was astounding.  I talk for hours on the phone counselling youths nine hours a day, four day a week.  In the past year I have noticed towards the last two hours I am coughing more and find it difficult to talk for long periods of time.  I know now I am able to control the level of my voice…I will try to practice to talk slower and softer to take care of my throat and lungs. 

Some say when they receive Darshan, Amma gives them a profound and wise message.  I have never had one in person but each retreat I learn something and these past few days, I have received messages in silence.  I felt her presence helping me control my breathing.  There are other insights but I will share them on another post. 

(tanka)

Amma’s presence
healing and divine
gives me strength
unleashing unknown skills
mastering from within

©Tournesol’16

Amma Darshan